Connecting Through Difference is A lot Like Doing Your Laundry

As I am a stranger in a strange land (an American in Germany), I tend to meet a lot of others like me. I don't seek them out, we find each other. Like a good book.

Or it could be that my line of work (transition coaching) brings them to me.

I work with folks who are unsure how to be successful in this new place. They don't know the unwritten rules, and are either afraid of making mistakes or have already made some and are frustrated with the results.

After I get done explaining where the reactions come from and what drives the behavior, I try to make suggestions on how to cope and adapt to this new adventure. Sometimes I hear the refrain, "I just can't change who I am so that they like me!"

No, no, you most certainly don't. Be true to who you are, but try to close the gap by behaving in a way that will get you what you want. Smile, learn the language (especially the pleases and thank yous), and learn to laugh at yourself.

For some, that last one is a TALL order.

And change is hard. But we strangers, are actually the guests, so it is up to us to put forth a large share of the effort to get along here.

A wise woman once said to me,

"Do not try to change who you are, just open the door and invite others to join you."

STEP 1:

First, it is important to know who you are. What is important to you? What is special about you? Appreciate your uniqueness. Own your gifts.

Now I bet you are wondering, "Ok, I know all that, but what door is she talking about?!"

STEP 2:

That door would be your mind - your heart. When you become open in your mind, you judge less, you are less fearful, and more curious. A smile is a great way to open a door.

In Germany, making direct eye contact with a smile is another way to open a door. Though you may have to do it consistently for a month before you break through someone's rough exterior, your reward may be incredible warmth and loyalty for life!

STEP 3:

Ok, you've figured out who you are, you can manage a smile, so how do you get past that barrier that is set up by difference? Their fear of you, or your fear of THEM?

Be curious. Ask questions. Cultivate a desire to know, understand, and engage with the unknown. The unknown could be a person, a place, an event. It could be a verb or a noun.

Take courage. You do not have to change, and neither do they. You just have to find a place you are both comfortable. Repeat steps 1 through 3.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

I’m Alive - Da*%!$-it!

I grew up in a place that reminded me regularly that I was a small part of a very gigantic picture. When the earth moves underneath your feet and takes everything attached with it (floors, cabinets, large trees) you feel powerless.

First it scares the crap out of you. Then you have a rushing sense of deep and overflowing gratitude. I’m alive!

(Manu Mohan)

I imagine it is the same with a flood, tornado, hurricane, volcanic eruption or any other major natural disaster. Any time nature exhibits its power, we are reminded of our status as guest, not host.

Funny how I never truly appreciated having to struggle with nature until now. Since living in Munich, where there seem to be very few struggles with nature (I won’t count the infrequent hailstorms or fruit flies) - I've been missing something.

At first it was a kind of lull - then complacency. Things are just dull.

There is no physical reminder to dislodge old (bad) habits, hard old shells that cover my brain and affect how I think. Nothing to wipe away ruts that I get stuck in. Nothing that forces me to feel alive!

Sad to think I have to be forced to do that. It is too easy to get stuck in the Mundane and Mediocre.

(saiuri)

The other thing that natural disasters seem to do is bring people together. I remember a forest fire behind our house two years ago. There were helicopters dumping water from the nearby pond, and neighbors all around came out to look.

Bikers stopped to look and I got to meet neighbors that I had been living next to for more than a year – and had never seen before. There was concern for the folks living next to the forest and a few of us helped them spray their roof and move furniture. Luckily it came to nothing, and I have not seen some of those people since.

For a moment there was a feeling of caring, coming together, connection. People felt necessary, lucky.

Perhaps that is the biggest reminder – not to take things for granted. And as much as I dislike hearing about the struggles or those who survive a natural disaster, I do envy their wake-up call.

Jumping Fences

I was recently walking in the rain through a park with a friend. I forget what we were talking about, probably just unloading, and she said something that stuck with me.

‘I hate it when others chose my boundaries.’

I asked her what she meant and she explained that she did not like it when her husband, or anyone else, told her what the standard shoulds and shouldn’ts are and how they Must Be Maintained.

(Pedro Rama)

It was not that she did not believe in a total lack of boundaries or rules, but there seemed to be so many rules that had Served Their Purpose and were still being held on to, for no apparent reason.

We agreed that when we get to choose which boundaries we maintain there is a greater sense of focus and power. When society decides, based on tradition or obligation, our energy gets sapped and our attitude heads south too.

We get angry, resentful, frustrated. Am I hitting anyone’s “YES!” button?

Surprisingly enough, a lot of this rule following (and I am not talking about things set up to keep us safe, like stopping at red, or not stealing), is self-imposed.

(cubillas)

We often set up fences based on an assumption that THAT is what we are supposed to be doing. I am of working age, I have my degree in marketing, that is what I am supposed to do the rest of my life. Or, I am the eldest, it is my job to be taking care of my aging parents. Or, I am the mom and wife, I should be getting all the laundry done and feeding the dog because no one else will do it if I don’t.

But you see, there is always a choice. There is always a way to redefine something.

The marketing degree, for example. So what if you wake up one day and realize you did it because that’s what made your parents happy? Ask yourself what makes you happy. Is it the people part, the research part, or the creative problem solving part? Those can be found in LOTS of other careers.

And if you are the eldest, all that means is you should continue to have the power and intelligence to convince younger siblings to contribute to your parents’ care. Either with money, or time, or other ideas.

Ultimately, if you are a working mother and have a partner or children over 6 years of age, you have plenty of helpers. Feeding the dog is a shared responsibility and getting the laundry done can be a community effort. (Clean underwear is a powerful motivator.)

Any of this ring a bell? Do you have any boundaries that make you balk? Fences that need to be jumped over? Take a good look, I bet you’ll discover some that no longer serve a purpose, and need to be readjusted.

Realizing you have choices often does that.

Jump - First Photo!

Here's the first of what I hope will be several submissions!

Doesn't it want to make you jump too?

Come on people... let's see you JUMP for joy!

It shouldn't be just for children...

Jump for Joy!

Yup. Literally. I want everyone to show me their BEST jump for joy. I want you to feeeeel it.

Believe it. Be it.

Ball up your fists. Bend your elbows into your gut as you bend down to spring. Then push up so hard that you jump up and explode!

Or, you could try running and jumping for joy.

Why?

Oh, that's a good question.

Well, let's think of some rationally good reasons:

1. It will get your blood flowing and make your cheeks pink which will make you look healthy.
2. It will warm up cold hands and feet.
3. It will make you laugh which increases the secretion of the hormone endorphins, which will help you stay healthy.

Now for some irrational reasons:

1. Because we can.
2. Because it's fun.
3. Because it's not sitting like a lump in a chair.

That's enough of the reasons. Back to jumping for joy.

I hit upon this because I was looking for a photo of me for something and found this:

It is one of many that friends who came to visit me where crazy enough to do with my daughter. To this day, when I look at that photo I laugh. I glow. It makes me so happy.

And frankly, I don't think there is enough of that going around.

If you're feeling brave, send me a photo of your jump for joy. It could inspire someone else...

Leave a Trail

Ever heard of "desire lines"?

They aren't found on your face - or any where else on your body.

They are the paths that cross a wide lawn or snake behind a large building. They are the paths that lead us to where we want to go without following the prescribed concrete path.

They are created by a need - a desire - to get somewhere faster, which often means not following the path laid out for you.

(Photo by Claire Gaillard)

Paths in Life

Have you ever looked up from your life and thought (not necessarily for the better) "What am I doing here?!"

Senario 1: You went to school, got degrees, built a life - and then - you wake up.

Senario 2: You flounder, wander, float, do a little of this and a little of that...and you end up - really - nowhere.

Actually, I imagine there are many senarios, many different paths, to the ultimate question. W.A.I.D.H. Often replaced or followed by, "What was I thinking?!"

In my experience as a coach, people end up coming to me when they realize that they don't want to walk on the sidewalk anymore. They are looking longingly at those little jagged paths that are behind the benches, among the trees, venturing into wide open spaces...

(See the path on the faaaar left of this photo? Desire line!)

It takes a lot of courage to step off the safe path, to not follow the prescription for happiness and success. Of course, this is readily described in hundreds of 'self-help' books in a variety of languages.

But no (good) coach will give you a prescription to happiness, because the real path is the one you discover on your own.

But what if - what if - we stop a moment and really look at where we want to go. Create our own idea of what success and happiness is by looking at our own passions and truths.

It can be hard not to just follow along all the easy trails laid out for us. Look, they're clean, safe, direct (sort of), orderly, sure. If we follow these paths they will get us to a place for certain.

But what about the journey? New discoveries? New Adventures? Curiosity?

Explorers

We don't all need to rush out and find a new route to the north pole, or discover a new way to make toast. But what if we stepped off the path every now and then? What would we find?

A mud puddle? A dead end? A dark hole? It's possible.

An insight? An epiphany? A brilliant idea? It's possible.

That's just it - it's all possible!

But only if you step off the prescribed path every now and then. Get your heart rate up, heighten your senses.

In fact, why don't we leave trails for others to follow?!

Go ahead, step off the path. I dare you.

You might be surprised that someone is standing right next to you.

Saying Good-bye, Saying Hello-Oh!

I can't believe it is the last day of June. I have to say good bye to (what should have been) the first month of summer (but really wasn't until 3 days ago).

I also had to say good bye to a good friend. We met 3 years ago when I first moved to Germany. It amazes me to think that we have known each other for only 3 short years. It feels like a lot longer.

Saying good bye is a standard exercise when you are involved with expats or are one yourself.

It's hard. Every. Single. Time.

Some people get used to it. In fact, they get good at it.

Like taking pills. Or getting a shot. Or eating spinach.

Saying good bye is part of connecting with someone. Eventually, at some point in the interaction you have to part. (Siamese twins don't count.)

The parting can be the hours you are asleep, the days until the next coffee, or the weeks, months, or years until you meet again.

Some good byes are permanent, others are temporary. Some are easily managed and others are heart wrenching.

(Photo by Maja Lampe)

But good byes are important, just like taking your vitamins, getting vaccinated - and eating your spinach.

I realized this as I hugged my friend and said, "It's not good bye, because I'll see you soon."

Coping Mechanisms

Yup, you guessed it - saying I'd see her soon did not mean I had secretly planned a trip to the States. It was my emotional/mental way of coping with the idea that I couldn't pick up the phone and ask her directions.

It worked for about 30 seconds. When we hugged I burst into tears. Which is another coping mechanism. A very healthy one, in fact.

Crying is a great release. A release of toxins in your body, stress, and it makes you take a breath when you feel like you are suffocating from sadness.

Another great coping mechanism for long good byes is to plan. Yup, actually set a date when you will talk or write or see each other. This is where social media is great. Facebook is helping thousands (millions!) of people to cope with good byes.

(Photo by Stephen Eastop)

Rituals

Good byes are not only for people, but when you leave a place. Moving house or changing your job or country of residence are all part of 'leaving'. This is a kind of good bye that people often forget about, but it is just as significant.

Having closure, being able to mentally and emotionally separate from a place can almost be harder than with a person. I can see my old friends and talk to them on the telephone, but I don't have such easy access to the rose garden in Portland or the Cook Inlet of Alaska.

The only way I have figured out to cope with this kind of good bye is with a ritual. Visiting a place 'one last time' and saying good bye, taking a photo of it at that particular moment, is one way. Others have told me they had a party and really got crazy (interpret freely here).

And others lit a candle, said thank you to the place, to its spirit, and took a deep breath. Done.

(Photo by Dipu Das)

Room for Hello-OH!

With all the sadness I have felt in saying good bye to yet another friend, I had an amazing realization too. My friend has not left my circle, she has just gotten in her car and driven out of the parking lot.

Which leaves me with an open spot. Not one I will actively try to fill. But now there's space.

An opening to be filled by... a new friend, perhaps.

Take a look at your good byes and see if you can find instead of emptiness - an opening.

An invitation, perhaps, to someone, something, some place. Full of potential. Full of surprise.

On the other side of good bye - is always hello.

Contrast - THAT'S What I'm Talkin' 'Bout

Wow.

Have you ever had the feeling that people are copying you, but you know they couldn't be because you know what you're doing is just a drop-in-the-universal-bucket?

(photo by Jolka Igolka)

And then you realize that if they aren't copying you, then it must mean that you have tapped into some worldwide growing phenomenon, all on your own?!

Wow. Yeah, that's what I said at the beginning.

So, what's this all about? you might be asking... See, I get a regular email from a very insightful guy, Andy Dooley. Once a week he sends me fun art and even funner messages. This week the message was a very corny, but insightful video .

It is almost 7 minutes of wackiness. It made me laugh out loud. Something I don't do nearly enough.

But when I was done I had THAT moment. Yeah, the one I mentioned at the beginning of this post. He was talking about the importance of having a dark side, a challenge, an issue... in one's life.

(Artyom Korotkov)

He confirmed that it is a gift. Isn't that what I have been writing about?!

My favorite quote is, 'The only people on the planet who do not have problems are dead.' Yup, that about sums it up.

I would like to support and point to Andy's good work, because when you listen closely, the world is trying to tell you something.

We don't have problems - we have opportunities to learn, to grow, to discover new parts of ourselves.

(Alfonso Diaz)

So, if you'll excuse me, I have some research to do. I am going to go figure out how to mine my problems... there's sure to be some very gems in there!

When Doing Nothing IS Doing Something

I've been working with a client who is truly amazing. (Well, actually, I haven't met a client who isn't.) She is so sharp and deeply insightful. And she is very good at keeping herself so busy that she doesn't have to deal with the feelings that her deep insight brings up.

But, she took a vacation. And instead of letting go, she is struggling with not being productive.

Ever have those thoughts while you were on a holiday? "I should be getting in touch with that client." or "I really need to double check my email to see if..." It can make the idea of relaxing impossible!

It is a modern phenomenon that we all know. Unfortunately.

With our lives so intertwined with what we do, in turn making WHAT we do WHO we are, then boundaries disappear and we start struggling with the issue of work/life balance.

Don't get me wrong - I think it is incredibly powerful to be able to do something (work) that you feel passionate and deeply involved in, but it can easily turn into a lopsided affair. One where work is pitted against family, health, and partnership.

I personally think it happens when we forget to do nothing. (Let me put it another way that sounds more positive.) I mean, when we decide to just BE.

Be still. Be quiet. Be centered. Be focused. Be here.

Of course, BEING, can just take a moment, and then things in life balance out. But sometimes things are so off, that it takes more time just BEING, to get things balanced again.

"We collect data, things, people, ideas, profound experiences, never penetrating any of them ... But there are other times. There are times when we stop. We sit still. We lose ourselves in a pile of leaves or its memory. We listen and breezes from a whole other world begin to whisper."

- James Carroll

When 1 + 1 = 3

Yes, as promised, I am actually linking this back to the concept of more-than-the-sum-of-its parts theory. It is quite simple, really.

When you do nothing (1) but sit and listen to the birds (1) or play with your children (1) or read a good book (1), those deep issues, thoughts, challenges, are relegated to another part of the brain. More importantly, so is the stress (along with the toxins).

The result is a more clear, focused, balanced approach to whatever task was making the space between your eyes pinched and tight. Possibilities open up, or blocks fall away.

(Photo by Dimitri Castrique.)

And if they don't, then perhaps you haven't spent enough time doing "nothing".

When Something is More Than You Realize

I recently had a friend, who cares about things being clear and correct, pointed out that in my blog title I say, "1 + 1 (can) = 3" that, in fact, one plus one will NEVER equal three.

It is impossible.

Luckily, I have a belief in the greater-than-the-sum-of-it's-parts theory. But I thought I should provide some examples of what I mean. So, over the next few posts, I will be telling stories, submitting books, music, and movie links, and in general trying to explain how it IS POSSIBLE.

First Example

As I live in a country that is not my own, in order to function and truly live here, I have had to learn a new language. This is one of the best examples I have of where 1 + 1 = 3.

In learning German (1) I was able to communicate (1) and therefore function better and happier in my new environment. Everyone knows that is the result. If one can communicate, one can live a better life. 1 + 1 = 2

However, I also realize, after reading the book, 'Keep Your Brain Alive' by Lawrence Katz and Manning Rubin, that learning a new language, even if you don't need it for anything, will give your brain the food and firing of neural synapses. Our brains crave new input and challenge. They are made to create new paths and develop connections with other information.

(image by Lars Sundstrom)

So, guess what? Learn a new language (1) communicate ( +1) connect (+1) keep your brain healthy (+1). See, that equals a WHOLE lot more than 3!

I imagine learning to speak another language offers even more benefits than that, but for my first example of HOW 1 + 1 CAN = 3, I will stop here.

More to come. What can you think of?

Seek Out Intersections

I recently received an email from a friend and perhaps one of my first "clients" (although I put the quotes around the word because she was actually a guinea pig for my own personal explorations).

Her email gave me a wonderful insight, one I see working on lots of people's lives, not just my own.

She was a classic case of:

- Quit her job to move with her husband abroad.

- Arrives and finds she has to redefine her value, find something else to do.

- She is too young to be a housewife and has no kids.

- She has a great education, but realized she hated her current profession.

- Now What?!

Luckily, she met me. :)

E. (I will call her), was really smart and full of good ideas. She did NOT want to just sit in cafes all day or go play bridge, thank you very much. She wanted to DO SOMETHING - contribute.

Through various activities and finding the support of other women like herself, E. discovered that she loved working with horticulture. She studied engineering, which made her parents happy, but her passion was among living things, not machinery and systems.

Interestingly enough, just shortly after announcing she was going back to school to get a further degree, E. and her husband got transfered back home. (I swear, the Universe is listening...) Once there, she found a great program and got to work.

Then I got the email.

I started a new job last Thursday. My first real one in 3 years. I'm back in the energy industry, but in a very different place. It's a small company, with big ambitions, and big expectations (of me). I'm scared and inspired and excited... and having so much fun, Your comments about courage sum up how I feel about the future. Thank you....

My conclusion:

When you are confused about what to do next, especially if you are in the process of "re-making" yourself, look for intersections in your life. Look for a place where your past knowledge can be combined with your true passion, or your new passion.

(Photo by Benjamin Earwicker)

You love dogs, but have a degree in business. You feel out of shape and want to get healthy = look into starting your own dog walking or training business!

OR.....You love baking for any event, and your arts degree is collecting dust = what about creating amazing cupcakes or wedding cakes for resale at a local cafe?

I KNOW it isn't always that clear. But I bet you - if you looked closely at your current knowledge and got clear about what you LOVE = you could find a way to combine them.

This is where 1 + 1 really can equal 3.

Anyone else? I'm going to ponder more intersections in my life over a cupcake!

Courage - It's WHO You Are

So, I took a mental health day this week earlier than I normally do. Not because I was having a bad week. I planned it.

It was the last day that "The Blind Side" was playing at the local English theater, and I had to see this movie in the original.

It was a perfect day to do it too - rainy. And apparently it was a perfect day for 4 other women too. Four women that I happen to know, in this city of half a million people, only 1 of which I invited to join me. (This is when great minds think a like.)

But this post is not about the movie - not really.

Actually, I have a question for you. What do a Victorian white girl of middle-class standing who falls through a hole in the ground, and a modern day African-American boy from poverty who rises to play in the NFL, have in common?

Courage. (ˈkər-ij, ˈkə-rij\ - mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty)

I realize, especially if you don't know the story of Alice in Wonderland, or haven't seen either movie, that this will be a very large leap, but don't worry. I will try to bring you with me.

In both stories, there is a HERO, someone who is totally out of their element, who must face some incredible odds, to win. And by 'win', I mean to have the LIFE they want.

Yes, that sounds pretty formulaic, but they also had to answer the question 'Who Am I' ?

And THAT was the key for both of them to manifest, persevere, and withstand 'danger, fear, AND difficulty'!

It sounds so simple. But we tend to lump answers into categories that show who we are in relation to others (sister, daughter, husband, cousin) or our profession (teacher, nurse, business consultant) or our nationality or ethnicity.

But if we dig deeper, go more towards the core of who we are - the answers get more complex and closer to the TRUTH of WHO we are.

Try this exercise:

1. Write, non-stop, for 3 minutes on the question 'Who Am I'? Go back and read what you wrote. Circle words that jump out at you.
2. Then, write for another 3 minutes on the SAME question, but do not use any of the same words as you used in the first attempt. Repeat looking forward words.
3. One more time, but only for 2 minutes, write - you guessed it - about 'Who am I?' really.

What did you find? Now, imagine that you can be this person fully and completely. You might find that to do this you need to muster your courage.

Take heart. It doesn't happen overnight. We have to practice being who we are. Yup. Once we figure it out, we need to figure out how to be ourselves every day.

(Photo by Sanja Gjenero)

But when we do - WHOA - watch out world!

(Tip: if you need inspiration, watch 'The Blind Side' or 'Alice in Wonderland'.)

Finding Your Shadow - Shining Your Light

I know it is a funny sounding title, but the more I thought about this concept, the more it made sense. I just finished listening to a video cast from Brian Johnson, creator of Philosopher's Notes, and it made me think about my own personal "dark side".

Now, he talked about it based on a book called, "Dark Side of the Light Chasers" by Debbie Ford. In his video cast Brian said that it is important to own all parts of yourself, even those parts that you don't like. Ultimately, being whole is not about being perfect, it is about loving all aspects of yourself.

So, this got me thinking about my close look at being intolerant and how that could also be a great strength for me in some situations. It was a practice in integrating a 'dark' part of myself, without even knowing it! Cool.

That got me to look at what else frustrates me about others sometimes. Impatient people came to mind. I think of myself as an extremely patient person. Almost too patient.

A-HA! That's it. Why am I so patient? What if I wasn't? What is good about NOT being patient? Again, doing this switch-a-roo has got me to look at the strengths of a trait I do not like. Interestingly enough, I am least patient with myself.

A-HA! Again. So, what if I was more patient with myself (yes, practicing self-care, nurturing time for me, self-forgiveness etc.) and less patient with others? There could actually be positive effects. Wow. It is mindblowing.

I am going to try it.

Because ultimately, what Brian reminded me of was something very important:

We see in others what we see in ourselves. If we see weakness, impatience, intolerance, we see the shadow. However, we can also see creativity, resourcefulness, tolerance, patience, and love. We can shine our own light.

My conclusion: I can't find my shadow if I am not shining my light. You can't have one without the other. Again, it is not about perfection - it is about WHOLENESS.

What keeps you from being whole?

What is the benefit of Intolerance?

I know it's a crazy title, but thought it was just the perfect one to start off the new regular postings on the blog.

Now that I am older and a tad bit wiser, I will be posting with regularity every other Thursday. If you want to hear from me more often, you better write and tell me. (Or comment in the comments section!)

The brilliant title comes from the homework my coach gave me. Yes, a coach has a coach. (No, we cannot coach ourselves, just like doctors cannot operate on themselves...)

So, my coach asked me "What makes you angry?" And my immediate answer was "intolerance". Those of you who have been reading this blog know that I am all about inclusivity, tolerance, curiosity and openness. So the answer was a no-brainer.

Then she asked me, "So then, what is the positive side of intolerance?" Whaaaaaaat?!

My brain screeched to a halt. Um... is there one? Luckily, I realized that for me, a big believer in seeing from all sides, finding the benefit of intolerance had its purpose.

If I could learn to see the benefit of an opposite perspective, then I could use those benefits. So, I got to work.

Here is what I came up with:

• Intolerance helps me to keep my boundaries. If I do not tolerate that people cross over them, they will learn that and not try to take advantage of me.
• If I am intolerant of people who tell racist jokes, then I will be more likely to speak out against it, or at least have the courage to tell them so.
• Intolerance brings out a kind of solidness and boldness in me that otherwise I do not allow myself to have.

In the end, I see that if I can be intolerant about things I hold near and dear, they provide me with a kind of grounding strength. Wow. Not what I expected at all.

Try it. Ask yourself "What makes me angry? What can I NOT stand?"

Then ask yourself the positive side of that thing. You might be surprised at what you find!

DAY 37: Day One of the Next Best Half

Today's the day. My twin sister's 40th birthday. And yes, mine too.

Before I end, and begin again, I want to thank you for following me on my journey. Whether you just read one post, or followed them all, I am grateful for your interest, your curiosity. For your company.

I am ready to live an extraordinary life. To have an 'irresistible obituary' as Patti calls it. To create the story of our own life, to create it NOW, not wait for someone to write about it when we are gone.

I am ready to take the plunge to 4 - 0.



But there is one more challenge. One more action to take: Spend 10 minutes writing the obituary you want, so you are not just a number or just a name, but a story. Write from three perspectives: As you would like your family to write it, your closest friends, and people in your community or at work.

What do you want each of those groups to say about you? What laughs would they recall? Not the big things, but the little things - the way you smiled, or the time you drove across town to deliver hot soup?

I won't share mine with you. I don't have time. I am going out there and living it.

As should you.

DAY 36: Connected At the Belly Button

This is the second to last day of my challenge and with it comes a wonderful synchonization. This chapter was the realization that everything we do, every move we make, is in some small way affecting another. But growing up a twin, constantly either triangulating where she was - or having people compare us - I KNEW my actions were connected in some way to another person.

When I was younger it was simultaneously agrivating and comforting. I never felt alone, although I did sometimes feel left out. I can't imagine celebrating my birthday without sharing my cake - even mentally - with her. But I also get to share my hopes and dreams with her too.



However, even with a twin, who sometimes appeared to read my mind (we are a mean dream team when it comes to Pictionary), there were miscommunications. Misunderstandings. Fights. Patti writes, "There's a gap sometimes between what I think I'm indicating to the world and what is really being put out there by me." I see it happen between people of different cultures, between husbands and wives, co-workers.

Action: Write for three minutes on the question - Who was I when I was thirteen? Describe yourself in great detail. Now write for another 3 minutes on answering - Where did that kid go? What turns have I taken away from her (or him)?



For another 2 minutes write about the part that remains or what part you would like to reclaim. For the last 2 minutes write about the things you need to do in order to get back to that earlier part of yourself that you want to reclaim.

This was great, because I vividly remember that was when I was horse crazy. I spent 2 weeks in a tiny Texas town at a 4-H horse camp, running barrels with a Tennese Walker. He didn't corner well, but he kicked butt when we did the show part. (Tell me one horse that stands prettier than a Tennese Walker!)

I can proudly say that I have left the really shy and rather insecure parts of my 13 self behind and I have kept the adventurous and curious part. The part that likes to jump in the lake.



The Challenge: For the next 37 days, devote at least 10 minutes a day to creating your own vision, whether for wellness or work or marriage. Make it specific, make it compelling, make it your own. Then tell others about it so they can support you.

Well, one more day to go in my personal vision quest. But it's certainly not the end - it's the beginning.

DAY 35: Savor Your Food

This day speaks for itself, and as it is Valentines Day, Chinese New Year and I am in Switzerland, it couldn't have been better timed.

I moved from Oregon three years ago this summer, a place that prided itself in being part of the local slow food movement. Eat food in season, grow in places near your front door, by small farmers. Then I moved to a big city, but a part of it where I could ride my bike to pick my own raspberries, or cut the salad from the ground. Eggs are delivered to my door every other Monday. There are no lables on this food because they aren't packaged.

But due to lack of knoweldge, fear, whatever the reason - I bought more packaged food than ever. And I developed migraines. Once I sat myself down and realized it wasn't the wind blowing from the mountains, but the processed liver wurst, tee wurst, and other spreadable meats I'd been eating that gave me the massive headaches - I stopped. I stopped eating them. And the headaches stopped.



Now that I am more settled, I realize that there are things we sometimes cut corners on that actually make life more difficult in the long run. Food, and eating in a more holistic manner, a more simple connected - aware - manner is something that we often give up in our race with trying to do more and more.

Remember, slow down, do one. thing. at. a. time. And that includes food.

Action: Spend 10 minutes cleaning out your pantry today. Consider yourself a chef, an kitchen artist. Make something for dinner tonight that you've never made before. Create art on your plate.

Although I am not at home, and I can't cook while visiting our friends, I am enjoying every cheese, cake, bread, or home made jam put in front of me. My hosts can proudly tell me where each item comes from. Who made it or what region of the country it was produced. Most of it is just around the corner.



Challenge: Either at home or a restaurant, eat all your meals as if you have to describe them to others. What colors and textures surround you? Keep a simple list of everything you eat for the next 37 days. And write a mental review of one meal a day to practice slowing down and paying attention.



Give up Pop-tarts. Taste what is in your mouth. Thank the chef.