Clocks: Time: Expectations: Culture

I live in a house with 27 clocks.

More than half of them are running. Only 4 of them display the correct time. None of those reflect the same time, except by the hour.

Having all of these clocks was not my idea, but moving here was. So, I adjust. But it has caused me to ponder a few things. First, why would someone want all these clocks, they can't possibly need them. Second, what does that say about how we value time, or our perception of it?



The Perception of Time is Culturally Based

Yes, that's right, how we perceive the passing of minutes and hours, how we feel about time, is deeply rooted in culture. I'm talking about deep culture, not the arts. I'm talking about the way we live and experience reality, not brain research.

There are lots and lots of studies out there about this topic, but a good place to start understanding it is with Edward T. Hall's, "The Silent Language." Easy to read and full of great concrete examples and stories, Hall does a brilliant job of showing how cultural values influence our perception of time.

Monochronic versus Polychronic

Those of us who live and work in the modern, western, industrial, North American or European parts of world most likely were raised to perceive time in a monochronic way. You should do one thing at a time. Time is measured scientifically and experienced in minutes, hours, seconds, years...etc. We tend to be future oriented and use phrases like, "Time is money." or "Time is running out." It is not just a national cultural view point. Business is usually run this way. It is often seen as a more masculine trait as well.

Being on time, meaning - arriving at a location (whether it is a meeting point, or a project date) at an exact agreed upon time, is highly valued and those who are not able to get there "on time" (or even better - early), are seen as unreliable, not trustworthy, lazy, or not too bright. Or, some might go so far as saying, the person who is late just doesn't care. Any of this sound familiar?



However, people living in the southern hemisphere, South America, Southern European countries, or in several countries in Asia experience time in a very different way. It's called polychronic, meaning lots of things happening at the same time. Polychronic folks usually do several things at once, or experience time as an event, not a measurement of numbers. For example, the Japanese tea ceremony does not count how long one boils the water, whisks the tea powder or admires the bowl. It is very deliberately executed, then enjoyed. 

This again, isn't just a national phenomenon, it can be occupational. We all know that lawyers charge by the minute, but have you heard of an artist saying that? It is also thought to be a more feminine trait.

Polychronic people tend to be less rushed, more concerned with building the relationship, experiencing the situation. They also tend to be focused on the present, not thinking about what's happening later. Polychronic people tend to feel that rushing through a situation is rude, disrespectful, and almost child-like. Only children run around demanding that they be noticed first - now! One must learn to be patient and take things as they come. Does this ring any bells?

Living with the Difference

So, I have learned that I live in a very monochronic country, and for business and some social events, I need to be on time in order to maintain a good relationship and to function professionally. However, I have found that despite my up-bringing, I tend to be polychronic. I have several projects going on all at the same time (they often appear like they've been left un-done), and I don't really mind it when people are late - I'm happy they showed up!

All the clicking and chiming and clanking clocks don't bother me so much any more. I've decided not to take it personally.

The Importance of Rituals

Not A Routine. Not A Habit

I have a lovely little book by Michael Davis called, "Rituals". It is a treasure trove full of ideas about why we have rituals, and it clearly explains the difference between a routine, a tradition and a ritual.

A routine is something we do without thinking. Like brushing our teeth in morning, or pouring a cup of coffee before we answer emails. 

A tradition is a ritual that has been transferred from generation to generation. Like making certain cookies at Christmas time, or spending summers at the beach.

Rituals are a way of defining what is meaningful and important. Ok, granted - brushing your teeth is important, but the value of a ritual comes from "its ability to connect you to a larger context that clarifies your relationship to yourself, others and your place in the universe."

I have found that rituals have a way of marking important passages of time. Birthdays are a favorite ritual of mine and a very significant marker of time. Rituals also help with closing one chapter of life and the beginning of something new. 

Rituals are vital in the process of change. 

It is easy to get lost in the middle part of transformation, where one thing has ended and we are waiting for the new beginning.

Celebrate & Mourn : Demarcate

I've recently experienced two very important rituals in my life, both very different events and both equally important for me and others to go through. 

Loss

In August of last year I attended the memorial service of my father. 

I listened - with my mother, two sisters, daughter, and many friends - to kind words of a strange minister, generous words from a family friend, bird song - while the photo of my father as a young man in uniform smiled back at us. I cried, although I tried not to. The first part of the ritual.

I jumped when they fired the guns - all three times. It was shocking. The second part of the ritual.

Then I walked over to where the urn would be buried, marked with a simple white wooden cross (which is what they use in a military cemetery). And I looked up at the amazing view of the mountains and trees in the back drop of Alaska. It was so beautiful and it made me feel calm. The third part of the ritual.

Birth

Now, this isn't the kind of birth you are thinking of perhaps. No trips to the hospital, no blood. However, there was anxiety, fear, butterflies, tears, and excitement. There was also a waiting period. A little more than a year after selling my house, car, closing all of my bank accounts, credit cards, and insurance policies and closing my business - after moving to Germany - I celebrated the birth of my new company.

Yup, I threw a party complete with fun food, music, videos, processo, speeches and games. I needed to mark this beginning. To thank everyone who had helped me get to this point, to acknowledge I was at the start of something new. I needed to do it for my own recognition and I needed to do it to make this company concrete. 

I needed to make a mark in time, because then I'd have something to look back on. Something to remind myself - look, see how far you've come!

How do you mark time?  What are your rituals? 

If you find yourself saying, "Um, I can't think of any." or "I don't have any - I don't have time for that."  then you are like many -- a casualty of the modern world.

Getting Rituals Back Into Your Life

First, you must recognize that there is a significant or meaningful event in your life. What is significant?  You decide - it is as simple as that.

Second, gather materials with meaning to you and that represent the event. A candle, music, a rock, a picture, a scent. 

Third, find a quite place, or gather people around you and prepare to say something, whether it is to yourself or to the crowd. Talk about the past, the present, your hope for the future. Touch on an emotion - gratitude, anticipation, anxiety, joy.

Invite others to share their hopes, joy for you. Or simply be quiet and listen to the wind in the trees. Be present.

In the end, mark the closing of the event with a sound (a chime, clinking of glasses, song), light a candle, blow one out - do whatever signifies a closing in your mind. It may be a closing of a chapter of your life, or the beginning of something new - like mine.

So- what are YOUR rituals?

Welcome - Come On In

The first thing I try to remember to do when I lead a workshop or make a presentation is to thank people for coming. It's so important, because I wouldn't be there if they weren't curious enough to show up.

So, thank you for showing up. For being curious. 

The first step is the hardest, they say, and if you've taken that step and you're here reading what I have to say, again - thank you. If you are here by accident, thank you for being here too.  I don't believe in accidents. 

What I do believe in is Change, Transformation, Learning. They are dynamic concepts that don't happen in a bubble. They happen through interaction and communication. Exchange. I hope this blog can be a place for me to not only think "out loud", but to also hear your thoughts. 

The beautiful photo above was taken by a good friend of mine.  It reminded me that LIFE has many layers and those layers are often manifested in beautiful patterns. Some patterns are created by nature and some we create ourselves (like the leaves above). Some patterns are helpful and lead us to success, others are destructive and hinder our growth.

Since I'm all for transformation, which could also be interpreted as growth, I'm also all about creating good patterns. Part of this blog will be about those patterns.  And cultivating personal and professional change. 

Here's to laying that first leaf, taking that first step. Together.