Sitting with Curiosity (Not sitting curiously!)

Now what does that mean?! We all tend to sit strangely sometimes, looking for that comfortable spot for a sore heel, or relief for the kink in our back. But that’s not what I mean.

To be open to newness – even if it’s something old and familiar sitting in front of us – isn’t easy. Not many of us sit with curiosity, not unless we have to. It can be like going to a foreign movie with no subtitles and having to watch their body language and the scenery to figure out what’s happening. Being observant and non-judgmental isn’t easy.

It takes practice.

But it is important to practice sitting with curiosity. Just as with other skills, like speaking another language, dancing the tango, or problem solving – if you don’t practice you forget how and then have to take time to learn it over again.

So what’s the point?

You might be surprised with what comes up when you step out of judgment and into curiosity. For example, is there someone that raises your hackles/rubs you the wrong way? Sit with it and ask yourself ‘why do they bother me?’ Come up with as many answers (heck, at least three) for why a behavior or physical trait sends you off the deep end.

Take a few deep breaths.

Your first few attempts might be tainted by frustration, but if you can go further, you may discover it has nothing to do with that person, but with you, your own personal values and perceptions. As these are deeply unconscious they can be difficult to observe in ourselves, until they come up against something different.

The ability to let go of having the answer or instant understanding of a person or situation actually allows you to more fully explore. This leads to more solutions, better solutions, to life’s challenges. It also makes life easier. It makes working with others easier.

So, what’s the point, really?

It suddenly makes things less personal and more universal.  No one is perfect. It’s no one’s fault.

There doesn’t have to be an answer for everything. Sometimes, things just are the way they are, and we recognize it and adapt. Or not. But we remain open to new discoveries and insights.

Try sitting with curiosity. You may be surprised to see something enlightening come sit with you.

Success - What the heck is it (and how can I get it?)

Has anyone asked you lately, "Are you successful?"  

I don't get that question from others very often. But it's a question that replays all the time in the back of my mind.  It's usually a whisper, "I want to be successful" is what I hear myself saying.  But what does that really mean? 

Do I mean, steady clients, healthy income, happy family, good physical health, having loyal friends? Is it one thing or all of those things? When I began to look more closely, I realized that until I can really target what I understand as success, I can't really achieve it.

Make "Success" Concrete

Have you ever tried to walk through a room full of junk in the dark because the light was out or you were just too lazy to turn it on?  Or in too much of a hurry?  I do it all the time.  And although I usually get where I am going, it takes me more time.  If I am looking for something - that's a whole 'nother matter.

How can you find something if you don't turn the light on?  You might eventually find it, but most likely at some point you'll have to find some light. 

It's the same with "success".  How can you be successful if you don't focus on exactly what it is that you want? Is it to be influencial in your community or to have well adjusted children? But - what if it's all of the above?!  Do you have to chose one or can you have it all?

You can have it all

I'm a big believer that if you discover what it is that you want - the thing that you are passionate about - then "success" will follow, along with everything else. Call me an optimist, or a dreamer, but in the end I believe it is up to you.

It's all about what YOU think.

Or more importantly, what you THINK.

Our minds are very powerful.  They can help us or hold us back. But ultimately, we are the experts on US. We know what we really want, but often we get good at hiding those things from ourselves.  We are afraid we'll appear selfish or self-centered. (That's one story we tell ourselves.) The answers are in there (in YOU) never-the-less.

Go on a treasure hunt

Try this:  pull together images from magazines that make you smile, or objects that make you feel whole or happy. 

If you chose images, put them together in a collage. Then step back and take a look. What do you see?  Lots of people?  Lots of buildings?  Lots of animals? What kinds of colors are predominate? Those are clues from your subconscious. Pay attention.  Ask yourself what might these observations mean? Write it down, get those answers out on a piece of paper - make your thoughts concrete.

If you chose objects, do you notice a theme?  Are they from your childhood?  Are they sport or outdoor related? Again, clues from your subconscious - telling you that these are the things that give you power and energy.  What might happen if you got to work with them every day?! 

Do you see where I'm going?

Here is something else you might have heard before - the key to finding "success" is perhaps not in asking "how", or in asking "what" - but in even thinking about it at all. The whole process of making those hopes and desires actual might just be the ticket.

"Success doesn't come to you…you go to it." Marva Collins



In the end perhaps it really is - the journey and NOT the destination.

Find a FAN - Become Someone Else's

The other day a good friend wrote to me, "I'm such a fan." She wasn't talking about a new movie or the object you unfold and wave back and forth to cool off.

She was talking about me - about my ideas.

Wow. I have a fan. What a rush! I felt so good when I read that. It made me feel supported, valued - important.

It also gave me a lot of energy. I felt so empowered to go do more of the same stuff she was "a fan" of. And it has made me realize how important it is to have someone in one's life who is enthusiastic and loyal.  

Ok, I'm sure there are those thinking, "I don't need someone else to validate me - I don't care what others think of me." If you are one of those blessed self-contained and confident individuals I have other advice for you:

Go be someone else's fan.

Yup. Go find someone else's work that you admire and TELL them. Tell them how much joy, insight, or whatever-other-great- emotion it gives you. Then you will not only be increasing their energy to do great work, but putting good karma out there in these otherwise scary times. Well, so I'm not 100% sure about the karma, but I do know that when people hear positive things about their work or share it with others - EVERYONE benefits in the end.

And I'm not the only one who thinks so. Tom Rath and Donald Clifton (Gallup Chairman) wrote a great book about all this too - "How Full is Your Bucket? Positive Strategies for Work and Life"  They use the metaphor of filling up a bucket. 

Bucket or fan - the metaphor doesn't really  matter. Just look at all the shows full of people screaming that "THEY HAVE TALENT". YouTube is full of people looking for fans. 

But you don't have to go on the Internet to find someone worthy. Look around you - at your friends, neighbors, co-workers (or family members!) and I bet you'll find someone worthy of your admiration.  

And you just might find that someone else is YOUR fan.  Trust me - it's a great feeling.