DAY 8: For What It's Worth

And week two begins. Day 30 of 37. Seven down, 30 to go.

First, I am excited to share that I did my homework from yesterday - where I sit in a cafe and listen and record what I hear. Although it was in German, I actually got a lot down. And it was fun putting my poem together in German. Here it is, with the translation to follow:

Cafe Talk - Aufmerksamkeit

Bis du zufrieden?

Nebel, sind alles.

Fragen. Fisch.

Ich weiss.

Ich denke es genau.

Zugehört.

Echt. Ja.

Sehr schön.

Es ist witzig.

Translation:

Cafe Talk - Pay Attention

Are you satisfied?

Fog, that's all.

Questions. Fish.

I know.

I think that exactly.

Listened to.

True. Yes.

Very nice.

It's funny.

So, for diving into TODAY, to practice inclusion. To look the homeless in the eye and engage. To open up and receive.

Before I share the challenge, I have to share a story from Paulo Coelho, one of my favorite authors. In his book, "Like the Flowing River" he has several short stories and essays. The one I am going to mention "Who Would Like This 20 Dollar Bill?" fits to this idea of value, despite appearances.

Coelho writes about a professor who holds up a 20 dollar bill and asks the classroom, who could like this? Everyone's hands go up. Then he crumples it, and asks again. Hands still go up. Then he drops it on the ground and stamps on it, repeatedly. He swears at it and insults it. He asks again, and most people's hands go up. His closing remarks are,

'It doesn't matter what I do to this money. It is still a 20 dollar bill. So often in our lives, we are crumpled, trampled, ill-treated, insulted, and yet, despite all that, we are still worth the same.'

I found this a very powerful story, especially in the light of all that is happening around the world. A reminder of my own self-worth and that of others.

The challenge for today involved a lot of writing and wonderful deep thinking and playfulness. It was a lot, and you can skip some if you want, but here were the instructions:

• Write for 2 minutes about a favorite childhood game for 2 minutes. Describe it and who you played it with.
• Then for another 2 minutes tell about a secret hiding place. When did you go there?
• Another 2 minutes, write about your greatest loss. Where did you feel it in your body?
• 2 minutes (see a pattern here?) write about your first love. About the sounds and colors and other things you associate with that experience.
• Last 2 minutes write about your dreams. What do you yearn for?

Read all that you've written and then imagine that every other human being has the same richness in experience, memory, and story. We are all complex, textured, layered beings.

Wow, I can't even begin to share what I wrote, and that's not even important. But the key was the same as the 20 dollar bill story - the incredible richness we have around us in human experience. I feel like someone took off my sunglasses!

I'll leave you with a favorite movie of mine.
'Validation'

DAY 7: Be Open - Be Generous

I wish I could capture all the great stories in the book, but you'll just have to go take a look at it for yourself. The end of this first week of challenges is marked by the second of Patti's 'i' words - Inclusion.



In my intercultural and coaching work, I find myself starting groups, organizing events, doing things that bring people together, encouraging them to get to know people they might not have otherwise talked to. Patti writes in her book,

"Creating inclusion requires being generous. Most often it consists of simply extending a hand. That's hard to do if you are grasping tightly to your sand, your rightness, your belief system...your definition of normal."

When I was a child I was very shy. I could easily hide behind one sister or the other. I was quiet and I cried easily. Luckily, my life has provided me with all kinds of opportunities to learn about people, and even though I still don't like walking into a room full of people I don't know, NOW I realize the potential of meeting someone interesting. "Generosity comes from opening ourselves to others", writes Patti.

Looks like these people have the same idea!

So, the challenge: Grab your journal and go to a cafe, restaurant or park - some place there are other people around. Listen to the rhythm of the conversations around you. Capture snippets of the conversation by writing phrases you hear for 5 minutes. Then spend 5 minutes creating a poem from the pool of phrases. And help someone while you're there. Perform one small act of kindness.

Results: I have to admit, I didn't make it further from my house today than the forest next door. But the plan is to hit a cafe tomorrow and sit for at least 30 minutes and listen. I will check in and perhaps even share my poem.

On another note, to follow taking a closer look at things, and finding wonder and art in LIFE - I found this bead. Take a look at it. Really look. What does it remind you of?!

For me, it looked like a small planet earth. Like I was holding a very small planet in my hand. And to think that someone made this bead by melting glass rods over a very hot flame and twisting. Pretty incredible. The woman who made it lives in Stuttgard, Germany. Check out her beads!

DAY 6: Wow! (How to be Surprised Intentionally)

I love the word 'Wow'. The best proof of how much I like that particular word (and my twin can back me up) is that my daughter's first word was not 'mommy', 'ball', or 'no', but - you guessed it - 'Wow!'

You can imagine how excited I was when I read the title of this section in the book: "Say Wow When You See a Bus". I don't have to work at being thrilled. It's fun, and the great by-product is a useful bunch of energy.

I digress. So, the challenge:

Part A (as always): Go out and pick a leaf or a rock and bring it back inside. Study it for 5 minutes. Then write non-stop for 5 minutes describing it in detail. Go put the rock or leaf back outside. Could you find it again based on your description?

As every rock and leaf is covered by a lovely blanket of snow, I chose to pick a leaf of a plant inside my house. The plant hangs by the kitchen table and is the loveliest shades of beige, green, and purplish pink. The leaves are almost like slim hearts, without the turn inward. I picked a leaf that was all white, except for a green stripe on one side of the upper leaf, with a jagged white line through the green. The underside was a lovely shade of purplish pink.

In all honesty, there's no way I could find that leaf again, or least my confidence isn't great enough to believe that I can. I am such a visual person, I like to look at things - to observe. It's how I find my way to and from places. I don't pay attention to the street names, just the shops and gardens along the way. Interestingly enough, I rarely get lost. But I still don't think I could find that leaf again...

Part B: Quick - don't think - write down 5 objects that you see every day. (For the next 37 days whenever you see this item, say OUTLOUD, "Wow! A spatula!" and be delighted with it. Say it, feel it, like a 5 year old. Love your spatula.)

My list: toothbrush, computer mouse, wooden spoon, pen, key.

Result so far: I am doing my best to be aware of these objects when they cross my path. But I am usually thinking of something else, my mind busy with plans for the day, thinking ahead. I have caught myself with the toothbrush and wooden spoon, and it feels very silly when I call out, "Wow, a toothbrush!" and it makes me giggle. It's delightful.

Perhaps there's more though. I am going to try to be thrilled by things I don't like. "Wow! Look at this traffic! Yea, I get to listen to all my favorite songs!" "Cool! Another bill, it proves I live here! I'm a resident of Germany!" "Awesome! Laundry! I just love the smell of fresh laundry. Yeaaaaaa!!!!"

Give it a try, and tell me what happens.

DAY 5: I'm a YES (Wo)Man! - part 2

Wow, hard to believe this is day 5. I am slowly building up my hand muscles again from all this timed writing.

After a full 9 hours of catch up sleep, my thoughts were much more clear and I was able to focus on the challenge of the day.

Part A: Write for 3 minutes on what you've said 'no' to in the last 12 months. Read it. Then write for 3 minutes on who censors you, what circumstances keep you from saying 'yes'? Read it. Then write for 3 minutes on what YES would look and feel like.

Well, it was very easy to write about what I've said no to because most of it entailed doing good things for myself. And most of it didn't sound like, "No, I need to ..." it sounded more like, "Oh, I can't because I should ..." or "No, I have to ..." Very clever - my censor. My censor is my own desire to make others happy, to avoid conflict or not disappoint others. The result is denying myself something and then waiting until the chance comes again or putting it down to poor planning.

I imagine I am not alone in this way of thinking and behaving. So many of us were taught to address other's needs first (especially mothers and occassionally fathers, or middle children!). It is difficult to make the realization that not taking care of one's own needs eventually affects our ability to take care of others.

It's a cycle. One that perpetuates itself through our children.

My favorite part of this exercise was the last. Describing how 'Yes' would look and feel. That was amazing. The vision of a bird flying over the mountains - soaring, gliding. Then another vision of a giant sea turtle flowing through the water. Then another vision of being in a kayak, propelling myself, balancing on the water. All these images are so powerful, freeing. Strong.

THAT is what it should feel like to say 'Yes', because it is a choice that brings you something, or gives others permission to take care of themselves too. To not worry how others will judge them. To not worry about failing.

Part B: Say 'YES' for the next 37 days to as much as possible.

Be creative when you need to say 'no' and try saying it in a 'yes' instead. Say, 'Yes, thank you for that piece of cake, my children will really enjoy it.' or 'Yes, I would really enjoy a massage, but I will schedule it for next week, because this week I am busy."

Give yourself permission - to fly or to fail. It's all good. YES. It's a very powerful word.

DAY 5: I'm a YES (Wo)Man - part 1

I almost didn't write about today's challenge. I am so tired, from staying up late and writing and then getting up early. At first I was going to pound out this entry and then I realized that the title of this doesn't mean you say "yes" to all the things you have to do, but to those things you want to do.

So, I am saying "yes" to getting a full night's sleep. And then writing in the morning. But not before I provide you all with an amazing display of art made from the ordinary. Certainly makes me gaze in wonder. Check it out!

I so wish I had the name of the person who made this so that I could celebrate them!

Day 4: Celebrate Your Successes!

This is right down my alley - I LOVE celebrating things. Just ask my daughter. I celebrate as many holidays as I can organize. I am an ardent Chinese New Year reveler - and I'm not Chinese. (Mark your calendar - it's the Year of the Tiger and it begins on February 14th. If THAT's not a good omen, I don't know what is!!)

(photo by Zsuzsanna Kilian)

I - for the most part - will admit to being a Pollyanna. An optimist. I can't help it. So I thought this challenge would be easy-peesy.

Here's what I had to do:

Part A:

1. List people in my life who deserve awards for the little things they do (list what they do).

2. Then for 3 minutes design awards for them (the wackier the better).

3. For the last 4 minutes, list the things that you have done, big or small, that deserve celebrating. Don't be shy, celebrate yourself.

The first two were easy and fun. I have some great ones. There's the neighbor who is always picking up extra fresh eggs from the 'egg lady' (who comes every other Monday) for me because I keep getting confused on which Monday she comes. That neighbor gets a golden egg in a nest of 5 euro bills.

Then there's the friend who is always calling my bluff, ringing my bell to say, 'Are you sure you're not just trying to make others happy at our own expense?' You guessed it, she gets a golden bell, with a very long handle.

And there are many more...

But the last one, writing about myself and celebrating myself, that was hard. I know there are a lot of things I do that are mind-blowingly boring and I think, "I should get a friggin' award for this!" but now I look back and don't think they are worth celebrating. Not with an award.

And why not?! I am super patient and am always looking for the compromise in a sticky situation. But what kind of award would that look like? I often provide clarification and summaries at meetings, but again - what kind of award would that be? Sadly, this is where my powers of creativity have failed me.

I was recently told that I needed a lot of work on my heart chakra because I am really good at giving, but not receiving. So, I am going to take heed and listen. I am open to receiving comments or suggestions from those of you out there that know me and who would like to present me with an award for something.

I'm open.

And perhaps THAT is the key. The realization may be that I need to practice celebrating myself. I'm obviously not very good at it.

Luckily, there's Part B: Go to the grocery store and buy 5 packages of birthday candles. Use them with wild abandon, for any reason. Find a cause for a birthday candle every one of the 37 days. Patti writes, "I travel with a pack because you just never know when a celebration will break out - and you know that the Girl Scouts say: Be Prepared."

So, I went out and bought those candles. I can't wait to use them. I plan on documenting the various occassions on the blog!

Day 3: Driver or Passenger?

I thought today was all about living intensely, saying "yes" to those things that didn't seem practical or mature (though not at the expense of the planet or other people).

I thought it was about making choices. Do I make smart, mature, mediocre, boring, responsible choices?

Or do I make choices that make me giggle, give me a thrill, make me smile and will ultimately make this journey called LIFE more enjoyable?

But I realized it was both - and - neither!

Action: I was suppose to imagine I was driving a car down the street and write for 5 minutes about everything I saw in great detail. Then, I needed to switch positions, be the passenger in the car and write about what I saw for 5 minutes. After reading both what did I notice? (Try it - right now! You might be surprised. I was.)

Results:

Well, as it was a total of 10 minutes non-stop writing, the first result was a minor hand cramp. (I type more than I write, so I guess those muscles were sending me a sign.)

What I noticed (after the cramp went away) is that the driver has a lot of responsibility and needs to be sensible and aware of what is going on in front, behind, and the sides of the car. There's more tension and focus. A passenger (or at least ME as passenger) enjoys a more relaxed atmosphere, notices the beauty or scars of the landscape and quirky things like the horrible color of a particular house or how a lovely field of flowers has been recently dug up because it was made into a sledding hill. (In Germany they like to be prepared.)

Having said that, as passenger I don't get to decide how to react when a bus pulls out suddenly, but as the driver I see it coming several cars ahead and am already preparing my body to react. So, both positions have their advantages and disadvantages. What a surprise. I was prepared to pick one position over the other. But now I am not so sure!

Thoughts: This challenge reminded me of a friend here in Munich. We are not buddy buddy, but as we Americans often call people we know and like "friends", I am sticking with that label. Anyway, I couldn't help thinking of her because she currently lies in a hospital bed, ill from chemotherapy, and I realized she was the perfect example of someone who is a DRIVER in life.

Until now, she was not a passenger, simply watching the scenery go by, and letting others steer. Every time I saw her or heard about her, she was organizing, planning - DOING. And not necessarily stuff that she HAD to do, but fun stuff. Dinners, concerts, art shows, ski trips, cooking classes.

She is a FORCE, and her enthusiasm and energy for life rubs off on everyone around her. Yet, as she lies most uncomfortably in that bed, healing, having to be a passenger for the moment, I hope she is able to take the time to watch the scenery go by, and not worry about driving.

Part B Again, there's another step, if you want to take it. Patti suggests finding one small way to incorporate art into your life. While paying bills - decorate the envelop. Arrange the vegetables on your plate in circles. Etc. etc. etc.

What I did - I bought dark purple towels for the front bathroom. I know it sounds ordinary, simple - but for me it felt extravagant. Our entryway is red and the bathroom is a very plain shade of beige, so as not to clash. But when I saw these hand towels, I just knew they had to be in our front bathroom. Reminds me of the older ladies who walk around wearing the purple and red hats!

Conclusion: We have choices, make ones that add art, joy and surprise to life! For me, LIFE is an ART. Make it every day, in simple ways, and don't be so focused on driving that you don't see the scenery.