The stories in this chapter were about saving face, about making sure that the help you gave was something that didn't make you bigger or better, but the receiver was helped - without having to reciprocate.
This idea is integral to living and thriving in Asia, but did you realize how important it is everywhere else? Protecting another person's identity is not an uncommon practice. In fact, it is key to integrity.
Today's action was about connecting to shame and the effect it has. What?! Don't get it. Read on.
Action: Take 6 minutes to write about a time when you were publicly shamed. The physical feelings, where you felt it in your body. Then circle the hot spot, the word that stands out, and write about that for 3 more minutes.
Before we laughed I felt so small, so weak and powerless. It was frustrating. I felt like crying. But their "no big deal" attitude saved me. Could happen to anyone. THAT was re-empowering. It brought my dignity back.
And because they did it for me, and I recognized it, I watch for a chance to do it for someone else. I am more aware of its power.
So, the challenge (in general): To look for a person or an opportunity to be an angel. Put money into someone's meter that is about to expire. If someone makes a faux pas, ignore it rather than call attention to it. There are so many ways to help another person if you are intentionally looking for them. Can you help without being noticed or wanting praise for it?
Try being a stealth angel.
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I love this one.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason I've become very sensitive to such situations, although I cannot recall a hugely defining situation I was ever in myself to increase my awareness. I just hate to see people feel uncomfortable, whether or not I even know them. And even your example of paying the parking meter if you see it running out...I always try to stay aware of things like that, I guess because I also think, 'Gee, I would be so grateful if anyone ever helped me out like that. And now I have the opportunity to do that for someone else. I think I will!'
One funny story with that: recently my husband and I went to our car at a P&R after getting off the S-Bahn. During the day, and the days prior, it had snowed and iced quite heavily and we therefore had to spend quite a long time scraping off the car. There was a car next to us that looked like it had been sitting there even longer than ours, and it looked like it would be a ton of work to uncover it. I had the immediate desire, however, since we also were already at task, to scrape off this car as well. I imagined the person coming back to a cleared-off car and just being so shocked and amazed and excited.
My husband, however, helped me to see that this would not be perhaps the best opportunity to help someone anonymously. First off, German's are VERY protective of their cars. And this car was a very shiny AUDI. Instead of a grateful reaction, we instead imagined a very, very angry German when he would see that someone had touched his car, possibly even scratched from the scraper. So, we decided there would be other opportunities to help people out there...just better not w.r.t. touching their cars.