DAY 37: Day One of the Next Best Half

Today's the day. My twin sister's 40th birthday. And yes, mine too.

Before I end, and begin again, I want to thank you for following me on my journey. Whether you just read one post, or followed them all, I am grateful for your interest, your curiosity. For your company.

I am ready to live an extraordinary life. To have an 'irresistible obituary' as Patti calls it. To create the story of our own life, to create it NOW, not wait for someone to write about it when we are gone.

I am ready to take the plunge to 4 - 0.



But there is one more challenge. One more action to take: Spend 10 minutes writing the obituary you want, so you are not just a number or just a name, but a story. Write from three perspectives: As you would like your family to write it, your closest friends, and people in your community or at work.

What do you want each of those groups to say about you? What laughs would they recall? Not the big things, but the little things - the way you smiled, or the time you drove across town to deliver hot soup?

I won't share mine with you. I don't have time. I am going out there and living it.

As should you.

DAY 36: Connected At the Belly Button

This is the second to last day of my challenge and with it comes a wonderful synchonization. This chapter was the realization that everything we do, every move we make, is in some small way affecting another. But growing up a twin, constantly either triangulating where she was - or having people compare us - I KNEW my actions were connected in some way to another person.

When I was younger it was simultaneously agrivating and comforting. I never felt alone, although I did sometimes feel left out. I can't imagine celebrating my birthday without sharing my cake - even mentally - with her. But I also get to share my hopes and dreams with her too.



However, even with a twin, who sometimes appeared to read my mind (we are a mean dream team when it comes to Pictionary), there were miscommunications. Misunderstandings. Fights. Patti writes, "There's a gap sometimes between what I think I'm indicating to the world and what is really being put out there by me." I see it happen between people of different cultures, between husbands and wives, co-workers.

Action: Write for three minutes on the question - Who was I when I was thirteen? Describe yourself in great detail. Now write for another 3 minutes on answering - Where did that kid go? What turns have I taken away from her (or him)?



For another 2 minutes write about the part that remains or what part you would like to reclaim. For the last 2 minutes write about the things you need to do in order to get back to that earlier part of yourself that you want to reclaim.

This was great, because I vividly remember that was when I was horse crazy. I spent 2 weeks in a tiny Texas town at a 4-H horse camp, running barrels with a Tennese Walker. He didn't corner well, but he kicked butt when we did the show part. (Tell me one horse that stands prettier than a Tennese Walker!)

I can proudly say that I have left the really shy and rather insecure parts of my 13 self behind and I have kept the adventurous and curious part. The part that likes to jump in the lake.



The Challenge: For the next 37 days, devote at least 10 minutes a day to creating your own vision, whether for wellness or work or marriage. Make it specific, make it compelling, make it your own. Then tell others about it so they can support you.

Well, one more day to go in my personal vision quest. But it's certainly not the end - it's the beginning.

DAY 35: Savor Your Food

This day speaks for itself, and as it is Valentines Day, Chinese New Year and I am in Switzerland, it couldn't have been better timed.

I moved from Oregon three years ago this summer, a place that prided itself in being part of the local slow food movement. Eat food in season, grow in places near your front door, by small farmers. Then I moved to a big city, but a part of it where I could ride my bike to pick my own raspberries, or cut the salad from the ground. Eggs are delivered to my door every other Monday. There are no lables on this food because they aren't packaged.

But due to lack of knoweldge, fear, whatever the reason - I bought more packaged food than ever. And I developed migraines. Once I sat myself down and realized it wasn't the wind blowing from the mountains, but the processed liver wurst, tee wurst, and other spreadable meats I'd been eating that gave me the massive headaches - I stopped. I stopped eating them. And the headaches stopped.



Now that I am more settled, I realize that there are things we sometimes cut corners on that actually make life more difficult in the long run. Food, and eating in a more holistic manner, a more simple connected - aware - manner is something that we often give up in our race with trying to do more and more.

Remember, slow down, do one. thing. at. a. time. And that includes food.

Action: Spend 10 minutes cleaning out your pantry today. Consider yourself a chef, an kitchen artist. Make something for dinner tonight that you've never made before. Create art on your plate.

Although I am not at home, and I can't cook while visiting our friends, I am enjoying every cheese, cake, bread, or home made jam put in front of me. My hosts can proudly tell me where each item comes from. Who made it or what region of the country it was produced. Most of it is just around the corner.



Challenge: Either at home or a restaurant, eat all your meals as if you have to describe them to others. What colors and textures surround you? Keep a simple list of everything you eat for the next 37 days. And write a mental review of one meal a day to practice slowing down and paying attention.



Give up Pop-tarts. Taste what is in your mouth. Thank the chef.

DAY 34: One. Thing. At. A. Time.

Wow, just 3 more days until I am 40. I wonder if I have learned enough.

I've learned a lot. But I don't think it will ever be enough. And that's ok.

I am learning that although multi-tasking is a word with positive connotations, a prize of sorts, it also is a modern red-herring. A distraction. Look at everything that I got done! (But don't pay attention to how tired, frazzled and unfulfilled I am.)

I make a lot of To-Do lists, and I am getting good at ignoring them. I am getting better at recognizing what it is that I really want to do. Or need to do. One at a time.

(photo by Matrewz Stachowski)

Action: Today, for one hour, imagine that you can only do one thing at a time. If you drink coffee, you can't check your email or watch t.v. If you are talking on the phone, you can't be cooking.

Then get out your journal and for 3 minutes write about your experience. How did it feel? Was it difficult? Easy? Frustrating?

Then for 3 minutes write about what you miss while multitasking. What do I lose out on?

Challenge: Make a do- or - die list. What must I do or I shall die list? For the next 37 days if someone asks you to do something look to see if it matches your list. If it doesn't, say no.

As for me - I am going to go paint. And then I am going to go sledding with my daughter. And then I am going to relax.

What are you going to do?

DAY 31, 32 & 33 - What INTENTION Has to Do With It

This last chapter, and the last week of my challenge focuses on the last of the 'i' words in Patti's book. Intention. Slowing down. Paying attention. Making conscious choices. You get the idea.

Day 31: This chapter looked at those remarkable little paths that people make between the official paths. They are lovingly called 'Desire Lines'. They are the paths that lead where we really want to go, not following the prescribed ones laid out for us. Making our own trails.

The action: Write a story for 10 minutes and start each new paragraph with the lines below-

Once upon a time...

Every day...

But one day...

Because of that...

Because of that...

Because of that...

Until finally...

Ever since then...

If you are interested in my story, write me an email. What you need to know is that this exercise is great for identifying yearnings and perceived obstacles. We need to overcome them and move forward.

Day 32: I would call this chapter "Just Show Up!"

It's all about making that extra effort in life to be there. To be the creator of your own fate, not the world around you. Not the magazine in your lap, or the advertisements on the radio. Not the messages from the little voice in your head saying, "It's not possible. It's too scary. I'm too tired."

Action: Write for 4 minutes on what are the paths not taken in your life. Then another 3 minutes on if there were 3 paths in the forest - describe where they go. For the last 3 minutes describe the animal that might keep you from each of the paths.

(photo by Paul de Bruin)

Challenge: Get yourself THERE - those places that you hate (the gym, the dentist) or scare you (the hospital bed of a sick friend, the tax consultant). Go outside and walk in the forest. Go buy an ice cream. See that movie you've been dying to see - in the middle of the afternoon.

Get yourself to your life. Go now - or you'll miss it.

Day 33: This day was about looking at things from different perspectives - as many as possible. Sometimes by doing this we realize that what we thought was a mistake actually opened up a whole new solution. The well known landscape painter on public television, Bob Ross says, "There are no mistakes, just happy accidents."

Action: Pick an object and photograph or write about it from 20 different perspectives or angles. How did changing the perspective affect how you saw it? How might this play out in your own life?

I chose a shell and the results were interesting. I got it too look short, and in another it almost looks like an animal.

Challenge: For the next 37 days be a conscious explorer. Every day pick a new path, get lost, connect with someone different from you, eat in a restaurant you have never tried.

"Fear is what prevents the flowering of the mind" - Krishnamurti

DAY 28, 29, & 30: Reframe Fear - Go From Didn't to Will

These last three days focused a lot on figuring out what keeps us from doing what we really want or need to do.

Sometimes it is a fear (day 28) - one that we have learned or one that is irrational. In either case, we eventually have a choice to work around it.

Sometimes it is not making the important things for yourself a priority (day 29) and then making excuses for it.

And sometimes we think that we should sit and wait for it to appear (day 30) because "today is my lucky day - I can feel it". Patti's comment to that was, "Unhappy people who win the lottery are just unhappy people in a more public way."

Here are the actions you can take to work through each:

Day 28: Write about what you are afraid of (my list includes big hairy spiders, being late, and drunk men in public - like the Oktoberfest) for 3 minutes. Then circle ones that keep you from doing things you really want to do. Where did you learn to be afraid?

Day 29: Make a list of all the things you want to do before you die. Then write next to each why you can't or didn't do it yet. Then take 3 minutes reframing each can or didn't into a can and will.

This is SO POWERFUL. I learned a lot about myself. On the top of my list was paragliding. I have wanted to do it since I saw people walk off mountain tops in Austria. But I haven't done it because it scares my family. However, now I am committed to doing a tandem jump sometime on my next trip to Alaska. You all read it here. Today.

What are you not doing?

Day 30: Take 5 minutes to list people who deserve your gift when you win the lottery. Who are they and why would you surprise them? THEN take 5 minutes and list how you can support them now - in small ways. Even just asking, "How can I best support you?" might be enough.

Live the life you have now. Don't wait to win big or for someone to come knocking on your door with a huge check. Don't wait to be helpful when you have more time or more money.

Do it now. As much as you can manage without losing yourself and letting go of your own needs. (We've learned THAT lesson, haven't we?!)

DAY 27: Make Art Out of Everything - Even Rejection

I will be direct and to the point today. And it will sound a bit Zen, but stay with me.

Today is about detaching yourself from the outcome. Not worrying about how it (whatever 'it' happens to be for the moment) will turn out. Write, cook, sing, paint because you must.

Make art out of everything - even rejection.

This idea comes from the activity. Give it a try: In 2 minutes draw the best desk lamp ever.

Then take another 2 minutes to draw the worst lamp ever.

How was the process of drawing a 'worst lamp' different? Perhaps a bit more fun - freeing possibly? Try doing a list of all the 'worst' answers to problems or 'worst ideas' and you might discover that it opens your thinking to great ideas.

Patti called in reverse design, but I imagine there is a psychological term for it.

Reverse psychology? Ideas? Anyone?

Well, when all else fails, I just sit quietly. And wait for the answer to come to me.

DAY 26: Make A List of 'Human Survival Units'

Today's post is actually a combination of two chapters. The ideas both center around trusting your gut, your SELF in the truest sense of the word.

When we are faced with fear, failure, change (keep going - all those things we don't like) our true selves emerge. Our true friends also tend to surface. It seems that in transition, that space between letting go and arriving, the truest sense of self can be found.

Try this first activity: For 5 minutes make a list of your 'human survival units'- people who will be there when your world fails.



Who is on the list? Who isn't?

Then take another 5 minutes and write about whose list you might be on. Whose list do you want to be on?

In the end, ask yourself if you are spending quality time with those people you consider very important in your life. If not, why not? Are there a few people you need to put in the ejector seat? (These might be people who you feel obligated to see or people who are more like an old habit.)

The next activity was also focused on intuition, but in a way that shows us we tend to stop ourselves when we are closest to getting ready to make a leap - forward. We hesitate. It's scary. Risky. Just not done.

To be open to what the world throws at you - you need practice. Patti suggests this exercise:

Go outside and go for a walk. Hold up a hand and keep it open to catch whatever (an idea, an object) falls from the sky. Catch it, then name it. Then let it go. Do it again, 10 times.



What did you catch?

Mine were any where from rain drops, to money, to hope and curiosity.

Make a list of 20 things that scare you. For the next 37 days do one or two of them a day. Cross them off your list and you'll begin to see how it opens you up. To many things.

DAY 20 - 25: Intimacy - Love More

More than half way through the challenge and this one hit me hard. The idea was to nurture yourself first, then others.

Imagine! You are so good at taking care of others first, that you forget to brush your own teeth, or eat lunch, or actually do something you enjoy. Women are especially suseptible to this kind of self-neglect. We are so good at running around saving everyone else, that we forget to save ourselves.

Patti's words:

Be selfish in order to be selfless.

So, I took it all to heart and didn't write another word.

I spent time with friends, watched t.v. at night with my sweetheart, and went to bed early. And I don't feel guilty - not one bit.

The week has flown by. And somehow I have done exactly what Patti's chapter title encouraged, 'Love More'. Namely:

Day 20: 1. Take 30 minutes for yourself - to be alone, to take care of yourself first. So you can take better care of others.

Day 21: 2. Don't make excuses for who you are - what you are. If you don't like something - change it - or own it. Be proud of everything you put in front of people.

Day 22: 3. Be open, connect with others. Give free hugs. Boost your quality of life. (This one is especially important because there isn't a lot of hugging in Germany. Friends don't embrace, they do air-kisses on each cheek. But I have realized that the physical embrace is vital for me. So I ask permission, and then I give - and receive - a hug!) You may already know it, but the video from Juan Mann is worth watching if you haven't seen it.

Day 23: 4. Be a writer, not a typer. (I hand wrote all of this before I transcribed it.) Write real letters to people you know in long hand. (I sent three birthday cards with long letters in them.) Surprise people.

Day 24: 5. Expand your capacity for love - and forgiveness. Think of 5 people who are unloveable - then love them in some small way. (It's not about them - it's about you.)

Day 25: 6. Let go - "surprise gravity" as Patti writes. And jump. We get in our own way when we think too much, instead of trusting our gut.

"Man stands in his own shadow and wonders why it's dark." - Zen proverb

This last day, was the beginning of a new chapter, actually, called "Intuition". I included it here because it's all connected.