Saturday, January 30, 2010

DAY 19: Measure With a Magic Yardstick

I know it is a wacky title, but I couldn't help it. This section is where Patti brings out another 'i' word - Intimacy.

What's so great is that it starts with loving yourself. About not measuring yourself with how big your house is, how well your kids do in school, how much money you make. It is about loving yourself for what you are - not what you have.



The action: For 5 minutes write a description of yourself. Stop and cross it out. For another 3 minutes answer the same question without using anything from the first description. Read, repeat for another 3 minutes.

Did it get harder? Did you notice anything change about your description? I sure did!

The first 5 minutes was surface stuff. How I looked and a bit about my interests. The second free write was more about my personality and values. The last one was a mixture of big ideas that wouldn't help you find me in a crowded cafe, but it might help you decide if you wanted me as a coach.


It got down - deep down - into my values. Really important (sometimes very unconscious) issues and ideas that mattered in my life. The idea here is to find the things that matter to you so that you can set more realistic goals for yourself.

Thus the challenge: Write a list of 10 goals you have. For each one ask yourself what's behind it? At the end of the 37 days revisit the list. Are they still the goals you want? Recommit to the ones you still do and revise the others.

Learn to measure yourself against a magic yardstick, one that sings, "Just a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down..." and then you'll realize it was in your own power to do in the first place.

Day 18: Jump Into the River - Chance Being Great

Be Great - not just good enough.

You are good. You are beautiful. You are smart. Give yourself permission.

These are the words that stuck with me for this challenge. The story (there's always a story) centered around how life is a fast moving river. Jump in, give into it, see where it takes you. Don't be worried about how others are seeing you - judging you. It's your river, it knows what you should be doing with your life.



The action: Write for 5 minutes to answer the question "When do you feel like an imposter? What do you fear people will find out about you?" Do the hot spot check and write for another five minutes on that topic.

Results: This was easy. Every time someone gives me a compliment, especially about how calm or organized I am, I try very hard to smile and say 'thank you' while in my head I am cringing and thinking, 'It's all a facade! Soon enough you will discover I am flailing, making mistakes, making it up as I go along!!'

And if I am making it up as I go along I must be a fraud. I am suppose to be a trainer, a coach. Shouldn't I have all the answers?!

Luckily, I realized that I don't have to have all the answers. I just have to be curious and willing to take a risk. It doesn't do me or others any good if I play small, mediocre, just ok. It doesn't serve the world.

I need to give myself permission to shine. To do what I am pretty sure in my gut is my purpose in life. That thought is incredibly empowering. The same goes for you too.



The challenge: Ask yourself "Am I becoming someone I respect?" for the next 37 days, every day at lunch. If you say no, you have the rest of the day to turn the answer around. As Patti writes, "This daily questioning is how change really occurs in our lives. Use it to become someone you respect, lunch by lunch."

And as a side note, there is an incredible resource at TED.com. I found an amazing piece on the rhythm in life there.

Friday, January 29, 2010

DAY 17: Break Your Own Rules

This was such a great practice for today. In this chapter, Patti focused on getting people to see which rules they hold to even though they don't make sense. What happens if you break them? Have dessert first, then salad. Sit in a different seat at the dinner table. What happens?



The only way to discover imbedded patterns that don't actually help us in life, we have to do things differently. Then we begin to see things differently.

The action: Write for 5 minutes and list all the sayings you've grown up with. List as many as you can come up with. Don't censor yourself - write them all down. Go through and circle ones you actually live by (might be a deeply held value) and underline the ones that aren't necessary or real.

The result: I could only come up with 16 or so sayings and many of them were gender based or health related. I think I have broken all of them at least once, except buying a dented can.

The challenge: For the next 37 days use your list to notice and then break your rules. Start by taking a new route to work. Have tea instead of coffee for breakfast. If you always take the same seat in church or school (or sit next to the same person), chose a different seat.

How does it make you feel? Make note of how you feel. Stop and question the rule, yours or others, to understand the deeply rooted value. Or is it borne of habit?



Insight: This I find fascinating. We just started switching our places at the dinner table. It has a great affect on our family dynamics. We don't seem so stuck in a position or attitude and the conversation or insights we share seem more conscious.

Can you guess why I chose the jellyfish picture??

Thursday, January 28, 2010

DAY 16: A Right Foot and a Wrong Foot

Wow, I just learned something last night, before even encountering today. I AM on autopilot.

I got so into writing the blog and finding photos for it that I missed a skype date with my sister, a very important travel companion in my life. She asked, "What will it take for you to show up?" I began to wonder if that is a question that pertains to my whole life sometimes. So, my first lesson in focusing on the present was to reschedule my sister-date and get to bed.

Today's challenge...

Today, after a heavy snow, I am sitting with the idea of two rights. Not one right and one left, one black and the other white. Not - I'm right and you're wrong. Perhaps if we try, we can co-exist with the other "right" foot. It seems important to have one of each - a right and a left. My perspective (my reality) - and someone else's.

I often think that it would be an awfully boring world if we all agreed.



So does Patti. The action today: Write for 6 minutes on - How does it feel to be wrong about something? Then - think of a recent argument you've had. Write for 4 minutes framing the other person's perspective as right.

My learning: Actually, this is something I do a lot - I am a natural at empathizing with others. I try very hard to see things from another person's perspective. I get frustrated when they don't see mine. When I can't get them to see that maybe I am right too. Not them or me, but perhaps both of us. But then I realized it is just another form of trying to convince someone that you are right.

I began to wonder how it would be to argue with someone who has a different perspective, but goes a long. Let's there be a right foot and a left foot. Wouldn't that be an amazing dance? And THAT got me to think of having different perspectives and opinions as exactly that - a dance. Without the difference how could we really dance?

I assume that we wouldn't, thus the phrase, "I have two left feet" when it comes to describing one's ability to dance. It just doesn't work. You have to have the complement - the other.



The challenge: Write a list of ten everyday, common kitchen tools. For the next 37 days, chose one of these tools each morning. Come up with five alternative uses for that tool each time. Stretch your imagination! Ask others to help you. They may see possibilities you don't!

Result: I grabbed a rubber band - first thing at hand. Here's my list:
- string them together to create a bottle holder
- use to keep my sleeves up while I wash the dishes
- use many together to make a ball and use as a toy
- use it for target practice on annoying spiders in inconvenient places
- make it into a handle to carry splintery piece of wood

One last thought. The photo of this star fish also helped me see that having more than two perspectives can be even better. Starfish are beautiful, strong, unique. They don't have a right foot or a wrong foot. They have five or more!

Perhaps THIS is evolution!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

DAY 15: Don't Start "Here" - Start THERE

This chapter is titled "Roll on the Floor" in the book, which was about several groups of people competing to win the ownership (custody) of a dog (Rocky) from a shelter. The ultimate realization was that Rocky learned best from 3 goofy guys who got down on the ground and rolled around with him. They enjoyed him for who he was, went where he was - not where they wanted him to be.



The lesson is a great one for when we get frustrated with someone who isn't "getting it" - whatever we are trying to teach them or convince them of. Slow down, try giving them directions from where they are - not where you are.

The action: Focused free-write (have a writing callous like mine yet? We could compare...) for 6 minutes pretend you are writing an instruction manuel for someone who has no idea what it is like to get up in the morning. Describe every detail from opening your eyes, to rolling over to shut off the alarm - until you walk out the door (or consider yourself 'up').

Read it. Would it be possible for someone to do exactly what you do, to follow it, or are you still taking your individual actions for granted?



For the last 4 minutes answer: In what ways am I on autopilot in my life?

This one was pretty easy - or so I thought. But then I looked really closely. I realized that they couldn't do exactly what I do unless they lived in the same house. And since they don't (and most likely never will), I have to write it in a way that they could do what I am doing where THEY are. Then it hit. I get it. Clear, concise, concrete - like an IKEA instruction booklet.

THEN I get to draw pictures for even more clarity. (I am a big believer in visuals - thus so many images!)

The real learning is that I am on autopilot in a lot of ways. I try not to be. I try to pay attention, but I am so trained to multi-task, get lots done, many things simultaneously. It is admired in western culture. I can't hel- waaaaait a minute. That's a choice. And I get to make them.

Isn't that what I figured out yesterday?! Hey, I am catching on to this stuff! How about you?



The challenge: What we do every day is based on a pattern we no longer recognize. For the next 37 days, focus on the patterns in your life.

The challenge in the book is very detailed, but the one that struck me most was "listen intently for the rhythm for the next 37 days". It reminded me of a scene from one of my all-time favorite movies, August Rush. (Follow the link to see the clip of what I am talking about.)

After you watch it, I'll give you a dollar if you can swear that you did not have the urge to go outside and find patterns right then and there!

DAY 14: It's All About Choices - Oh, and Self-Worth

Sorry this was delayed - technical problems (like sleep). But it will be worth it.

Today was about recognizing what your "red books" - the knowledge that you have, the thing that you cherish that you would not part with unless you knew it was going to be honored and appreciated as much as you do - are.

For me, that's anything on understanding difference, creating curiosity, and being open to change. My knowledge on dealing across difference and managing transition is something that I give away only to people who really want it and appreciate it. I don't shove it down peoples' throats or throw it at every problem as the solution.

The action: (really, really loved this...) for 6 minutes do a focused free-write on "If your work were the answer to a question, what would that question be?" Read it when you are done. Then circle a hot spot, write on that word for 4 minutes. What does it reveal about that thing for which you have the most passion, the thing that you would most protect and cherish? How can you make it so?



This is a brilliant coaching exercise - one that I will certainly use in the future. I hope to hear from everyone who is reading this blog at least one sentence on what thrills them!

My question was of course along the lines of living in a way that I not only reach my fullest potential but connect and co-create with all the other potential out there. How can I be most alive and true and aware?

Life comes down to choices, ones that are incremental and ultimately shape our lives. There is a beautiful quote by Annie Dillard that says it perfectly:
How we live our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.




The challenge: So, Patti suggests that we keep a catalog of all the choices we make every day.

Coffee or tea? Drive or bus? Truth or white lie? (Think Annie Dillard here.) Then review you record, which ones caused you to pause? Do they tap into something meaningful to you?

Did you make choices based on what others expected of you? Safety over risk?

Examine your patterns. What did you learn about how you make choices?

If you haven't read "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho, then I highly recommend it. It is about many things. One of them - choices.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

DAY 13: Save Someone Else's Face

Integrity - the next in line of the 'i' words in Patti's list. And something very powerful.

The stories in this chapter were about saving face, about making sure that the help you gave was something that didn't make you bigger or better, but the receiver was helped - without having to reciprocate.

This idea is integral to living and thriving in Asia, but did you realize how important it is everywhere else? Protecting another person's identity is not an uncommon practice. In fact, it is key to integrity.



Today's action was about connecting to shame and the effect it has. What?! Don't get it. Read on.

Action: Take 6 minutes to write about a time when you were publicly shamed. The physical feelings, where you felt it in your body. Then circle the hot spot, the word that stands out, and write about that for 3 more minutes.

I had no trouble remembering a very shameful and embarrasing moment. It happened about 6 years ago and I was with two people who were relative strangers to me. They did something very powerful and graceful by not making a big deal out of what happened. They stood by me and we laughed about it.

Before we laughed I felt so small, so weak and powerless. It was frustrating. I felt like crying. But their "no big deal" attitude saved me. Could happen to anyone. THAT was re-empowering. It brought my dignity back.

And because they did it for me, and I recognized it, I watch for a chance to do it for someone else. I am more aware of its power.

So, the challenge (in general): To look for a person or an opportunity to be an angel. Put money into someone's meter that is about to expire. If someone makes a faux pas, ignore it rather than call attention to it. There are so many ways to help another person if you are intentionally looking for them. Can you help without being noticed or wanting praise for it?



Try being a stealth angel.

Friday, January 22, 2010

DAY 12: Stories - Discover the One Sitting Next to You

Would have posted this last night, I did my homework, really - but internet was down. Fortunately we can't use this excuse about truly living our lives. There's no excuse - the opportunity is always there.

The action: Remember your childhood home (or if you had several, your favorites) and take 5 minutes to draw a blueprint, as detailed as possible. Then take someone on a tour. Think about the stories - the lessons you learned there.



Well, between the age of 0 to 5 I learned that I had lived in 12 house all over the rocky mountains. Luckily my memory seems to kick in when we moved to Alaska. I had two there and they are filled with lots and lots of stories.
A quick list:
-learned playing fair
-respecting difference
-follow my heart
-to find my voice
-cope with death
-to manage conflict
-first love
What about your blueprint? What does it remind you of?

The point of this exercise was to realize everyone is made of stories. If we are going to practice inclusion - opening up to others - we need to welcome them in to our stories and discover theirs. What kind of stories are in the person sitting next to you on the subway? Standing in front of you at the grocery store?

Challenge: For the next 37 days take note of the opportunity you pass (or miss) to engage with someone. What keeps you from doing it? What are you missing?!



THIS is the challenge for me. I always joke with my partner in life that while he is a collector of fine things, it is a good thing I am a collector of stories. They take up a lot less space and are easy to move around!

Discovering other people's stories lights my fire. Guess that is what makes me enjoy coaching so much. I get to mine for amazingly rich gems every time I am open to listening.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

DAY 11: Perfection - It's All Wrong


If you don't risk making mistakes, you can't learn. I am sure you've all heard it. But it is something that needs to be repeated.

One of my favorite songs is by Natasha Bedingfield called 'Unwritten.' There is a verse that goes:
I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines,
We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way
It gets me every time.

Living in Germany I am reminded often of my 'American-ness'. Americans, North Americans, are often seen as a group of people who take risks, sometimes unnecessary ones, but it is a learned value. We are taught to try and make mistakes and go forward and risk failure. I compare this to life in Germany, where risk and mistakes are avoided at all costs. One gathers information, follows the rules and makes decisions based on a lot of thought. Trial and error is not encouraged.

Today's challenge and action focus on NOT seeking perfection. It is about Play. Experimentation. Making mistakes - lots of them.


I look at my neighbor who is learning to make glass beads. She took one class, fell in love, and dove into it. Now she teaches herself from a book. I am amazed at how good the beads are. She said that some of them crack and break, especially when she rushes or tries too hard. She's surprised to see that sometimes the best ones are the ones she thought were all wrong. In the end, she takes joy in the creation - the discovery - not the end product. She just tosses them all in a small cardboard box, for now.

So, the action: Write for 4 minutes haikus about - failure. Then another 4 minutes on perfection.

I won't bore you with my attempts, but Patti's goal is to get you to not worry about perfection, but to begin the process. What happens in regularly and consistently doing something is that through making mistakes you can refine your creation.

The challenge: create art every day for the next 37 days without fail. See what emerges from habit and repetition.


I know of a website: CreativeEveryDay, who inspired a good friend of mine to get busy. It is amazing what she has produced and the new directions it has taken her company. You can see what it has done for her...

Now, this is one challenge I can't wait to start! Who's with me?!

Monday, January 18, 2010

DAY 10: Refuse 'Normal'. Say No to Mediocre

I know I am a day late on this one, but it just couldn't be helped. Life was busy yesterday. But, I did do my challenge, many years ago. It is partly to blame for my focus and persistance when it comes to 'other', to others. I am drawn to people who are different, mostly because I have experienced that feeling of being on the outside.

Not being 'the norm'.



The action: First write "I am writing this with my non-dominant hand" in cursive, with your non-dominate hand. How did it feel? How does it look? What if you were judged on the merits of your handwriting? Now switch back to your dominate hand and write for 6 minutes about a time when you were in the minority.

The result: Been there, done that, almost exactly 20 years ago.

I studied Japanese in college and was so excited to spend my 3rd (Junior) year in Japan, studying at a university near Nagoya. My expectation was to blend in and make friends - like I always did. But what I didn't realize was that no matter how good my Japanese was or how convincing I learned the nonverbal (body language) stuff, I would always be blonde and blue eyed. I would always be tall - at 5'6" - with comparably large hands and feet.

I had to shop in the men's department. I didn't get my hair cut for a year because no one new how. It was too slippery. Strangers would stand next to me to read what I was reading on the train. They walked up to talk to me in broken English to get practice in. I felt like a movie star. I hated it.

I got smaller and quieter. I didn't wear make-up and wore baggy clothes. I did not walk past mirrors or glass buildings because it was always a shock to recognize my outrageous difference from those around me.

Now I realize that I was trying to disappear, fade into the background. I returned to the U.S. and the constant mantra from my family was, "What's wrong with you?" It took me almost two years to begin looking people in the eyes again, to speaking up. To find my way back to 'normal'.

Luckily, I realized that I learned a great deal, not just about myself, but about being different. It was painful to be on the outside, but it was liberating too. In some ways it gave me freedom to experiment, or to observe from the outside. Ultimately I recognized that 'normal' in one context does not translate to 'normal' in others.

And that's perfectly ok.



The challenge: Do something you don't normally do. Listen to music you think you hate. Order a radically different drink at your regular coffee haunt. Ask questions to people who are different with, 'Help me understand (insert something here about a head scarf or cultural pattern or anything else you don't understand).' Try respectful curiosity.

(Curious about the image above? Ask me!)

DAY 9: Stop Not-Seeing

Following the theme of inclusion and paying attention, today's challenge was really fun. It revolved around really looking at something with new eyes, really seeing it as if for the first time.

Focusing. Knowing. Really Seeing.



The action:
Put an apple in front of you. Pretend you have never seen one before. Examine it, touch it. Then spend 7 minutes writing a detailed description of it. What does one do with it? Imagine you are explaining it to someone who has never seen one. Read what you've written.

Now, write for 3 minutes (once you've massaged that kink from your hand) about how the time spent writing about the apple made you feel toward it. Would you be able to pick it out of a basket? Did those 7 minutes of intense observation create a connection?

Results: Well, I am a writer, and I like to think I am observant, but THIS was a challenge. Like running a 10 k and I haven't trained. The first 5 minutes were tough, but then I broke through a wall and couldn't stop. I had so much fun explaining how people used apples, even the funny custom of grabbing them from a bucket of water with your hands behind your back - for fun!

I felt an almost intimate connection with that apple. A friendship. I almost didn't want to eat it.

The challenge: For the next 30 days make a tiny hole in a sheet of paper. Get very close to an object and observe what you see. Focus, see one thing at a time. Explore how focusing your attention by listening intently to someone changes the interaction.

Here's something new and interesting. Do you know what this is a picture of? It's very close. It is focused. Once you figure out what it is, perhaps you will never look the same way at this thing again...

Saturday, January 16, 2010

DAY 8: For What It's Worth

And week two begins. Day 30 of 37. Seven down, 30 to go.

First, I am excited to share that I did my homework from yesterday - where I sit in a cafe and listen and record what I hear. Although it was in German, I actually got a lot down. And it was fun putting my poem together in German. Here it is, with the translation to follow:

Cafe Talk - Aufmerksamkeit

Bis du zufrieden?
Nebel, sind alles.
Fragen. Fisch.

Ich weiss.
Ich denke es genau.
Zugehört.

Echt. Ja.
Sehr schön.
Es ist witzig.

Translation:
Cafe Talk - Pay Attention

Are you satisfied?
Fog, that's all.
Questions. Fish.

I know.
I think that exactly.
Listened to.

True. Yes.
Very nice.
It's funny.

So, for diving into TODAY, to practice inclusion. To look the homeless in the eye and engage. To open up and receive.

Before I share the challenge, I have to share a story from Paulo Coelho, one of my favorite authors. In his book, "Like the Flowing River" he has several short stories and essays. The one I am going to mention "Who Would Like This 20 Dollar Bill?" fits to this idea of value, despite appearances.

Coelho writes about a professor who holds up a 20 dollar bill and asks the classroom, who could like this? Everyone's hands go up. Then he crumples it, and asks again. Hands still go up. Then he drops it on the ground and stamps on it, repeatedly. He swears at it and insults it. He asks again, and most people's hands go up. His closing remarks are,
'It doesn't matter what I do to this money. It is still a 20 dollar bill. So often in our lives, we are crumpled, trampled, ill-treated, insulted, and yet, despite all that, we are still worth the same.'
I found this a very powerful story, especially in the light of all that is happening around the world. A reminder of my own self-worth and that of others.

The challenge for today involved a lot of writing and wonderful deep thinking and playfulness. It was a lot, and you can skip some if you want, but here were the instructions:
  • Write for 2 minutes about a favorite childhood game for 2 minutes. Describe it and who you played it with.
  • Then for another 2 minutes tell about a secret hiding place. When did you go there?
  • Another 2 minutes, write about your greatest loss. Where did you feel it in your body?
  • 2 minutes (see a pattern here?) write about your first love. About the sounds and colors and other things you associate with that experience.
  • Last 2 minutes write about your dreams. What do you yearn for?
Read all that you've written and then imagine that every other human being has the same richness in experience, memory, and story. We are all complex, textured, layered beings.


Wow, I can't even begin to share what I wrote, and that's not even important. But the key was the same as the 20 dollar bill story - the incredible richness we have around us in human experience. I feel like someone took off my sunglasses!

I'll leave you with a favorite movie of mine.
'Validation'

DAY 7: Be Open - Be Generous

I wish I could capture all the great stories in the book, but you'll just have to go take a look at it for yourself. The end of this first week of challenges is marked by the second of Patti's 'i' words - Inclusion.



In my intercultural and coaching work, I find myself starting groups, organizing events, doing things that bring people together, encouraging them to get to know people they might not have otherwise talked to. Patti writes in her book,
"Creating inclusion requires being generous. Most often it consists of simply extending a hand. That's hard to do if you are grasping tightly to your sand, your rightness, your belief system...your definition of normal."
When I was a child I was very shy. I could easily hide behind one sister or the other. I was quiet and I cried easily. Luckily, my life has provided me with all kinds of opportunities to learn about people, and even though I still don't like walking into a room full of people I don't know, NOW I realize the potential of meeting someone interesting. "Generosity comes from opening ourselves to others", writes Patti.

Looks like these people have the same idea!



So, the challenge: Grab your journal and go to a cafe, restaurant or park - some place there are other people around. Listen to the rhythm of the conversations around you. Capture snippets of the conversation by writing phrases you hear for 5 minutes. Then spend 5 minutes creating a poem from the pool of phrases. And help someone while you're there. Perform one small act of kindness.

Results: I have to admit, I didn't make it further from my house today than the forest next door. But the plan is to hit a cafe tomorrow and sit for at least 30 minutes and listen. I will check in and perhaps even share my poem.

On another note, to follow taking a closer look at things, and finding wonder and art in LIFE - I found this bead. Take a look at it. Really look. What does it remind you of?!


For me, it looked like a small planet earth. Like I was holding a very small planet in my hand. And to think that someone made this bead by melting glass rods over a very hot flame and twisting. Pretty incredible. The woman who made it lives in Stuttgard, Germany. Check out her beads!

Friday, January 15, 2010

DAY 6: Wow! (How to be Surprised Intentionally)

I love the word 'Wow'. The best proof of how much I like that particular word (and my twin can back me up) is that my daughter's first word was not 'mommy', 'ball', or 'no', but - you guessed it - 'Wow!'

You can imagine how excited I was when I read the title of this section in the book: "Say Wow When You See a Bus". I don't have to work at being thrilled. It's fun, and the great by-product is a useful bunch of energy.

I digress. So, the challenge:

Part A (as always): Go out and pick a leaf or a rock and bring it back inside. Study it for 5 minutes. Then write non-stop for 5 minutes describing it in detail. Go put the rock or leaf back outside. Could you find it again based on your description?

As every rock and leaf is covered by a lovely blanket of snow, I chose to pick a leaf of a plant inside my house. The plant hangs by the kitchen table and is the loveliest shades of beige, green, and purplish pink. The leaves are almost like slim hearts, without the turn inward. I picked a leaf that was all white, except for a green stripe on one side of the upper leaf, with a jagged white line through the green. The underside was a lovely shade of purplish pink.

In all honesty, there's no way I could find that leaf again, or least my confidence isn't great enough to believe that I can. I am such a visual person, I like to look at things - to observe. It's how I find my way to and from places. I don't pay attention to the street names, just the shops and gardens along the way. Interestingly enough, I rarely get lost. But I still don't think I could find that leaf again...



Part B: Quick - don't think - write down 5 objects that you see every day. (For the next 37 days whenever you see this item, say OUTLOUD, "Wow! A spatula!" and be delighted with it. Say it, feel it, like a 5 year old. Love your spatula.)

My list: toothbrush, computer mouse, wooden spoon, pen, key.

Result so far: I am doing my best to be aware of these objects when they cross my path. But I am usually thinking of something else, my mind busy with plans for the day, thinking ahead. I have caught myself with the toothbrush and wooden spoon, and it feels very silly when I call out, "Wow, a toothbrush!" and it makes me giggle. It's delightful.



Perhaps there's more though. I am going to try to be thrilled by things I don't like. "Wow! Look at this traffic! Yea, I get to listen to all my favorite songs!" "Cool! Another bill, it proves I live here! I'm a resident of Germany!" "Awesome! Laundry! I just love the smell of fresh laundry. Yeaaaaaa!!!!"

Give it a try, and tell me what happens.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

DAY 5: I'm a YES (Wo)Man! - part 2

Wow, hard to believe this is day 5. I am slowly building up my hand muscles again from all this timed writing.

After a full 9 hours of catch up sleep, my thoughts were much more clear and I was able to focus on the challenge of the day.



Part A: Write for 3 minutes on what you've said 'no' to in the last 12 months. Read it. Then write for 3 minutes on who censors you, what circumstances keep you from saying 'yes'? Read it. Then write for 3 minutes on what YES would look and feel like.

Well, it was very easy to write about what I've said no to because most of it entailed doing good things for myself. And most of it didn't sound like, "No, I need to ..." it sounded more like, "Oh, I can't because I should ..." or "No, I have to ..." Very clever - my censor. My censor is my own desire to make others happy, to avoid conflict or not disappoint others. The result is denying myself something and then waiting until the chance comes again or putting it down to poor planning.

I imagine I am not alone in this way of thinking and behaving. So many of us were taught to address other's needs first (especially mothers and occassionally fathers, or middle children!). It is difficult to make the realization that not taking care of one's own needs eventually affects our ability to take care of others.

It's a cycle. One that perpetuates itself through our children.

My favorite part of this exercise was the last. Describing how 'Yes' would look and feel. That was amazing. The vision of a bird flying over the mountains - soaring, gliding. Then another vision of a giant sea turtle flowing through the water. Then another vision of being in a kayak, propelling myself, balancing on the water. All these images are so powerful, freeing. Strong.



THAT is what it should feel like to say 'Yes', because it is a choice that brings you something, or gives others permission to take care of themselves too. To not worry how others will judge them. To not worry about failing.

Part B: Say 'YES' for the next 37 days to as much as possible.

Be creative when you need to say 'no' and try saying it in a 'yes' instead. Say, 'Yes, thank you for that piece of cake, my children will really enjoy it.' or 'Yes, I would really enjoy a massage, but I will schedule it for next week, because this week I am busy."



Give yourself permission - to fly or to fail. It's all good. YES. It's a very powerful word.


DAY 5: I'm a YES (Wo)Man - part 1

I almost didn't write about today's challenge. I am so tired, from staying up late and writing and then getting up early. At first I was going to pound out this entry and then I realized that the title of this doesn't mean you say "yes" to all the things you have to do, but to those things you want to do.

So, I am saying "yes" to getting a full night's sleep. And then writing in the morning. But not before I provide you all with an amazing display of art made from the ordinary. Certainly makes me gaze in wonder. Check it out!


I so wish I had the name of the person who made this so that I could celebrate them!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Day 4: Celebrate Your Successes!

This is right down my alley - I LOVE celebrating things. Just ask my daughter. I celebrate as many holidays as I can organize. I am an ardent Chinese New Year reveler - and I'm not Chinese. (Mark your calendar - it's the Year of the Tiger and it begins on February 14th. If THAT's not a good omen, I don't know what is!!)

(photo by Zsuzsanna Kilian)

I - for the most part - will admit to being a Pollyanna. An optimist. I can't help it. So I thought this challenge would be easy-peesy.

Here's what I had to do:

Part A:
1. List people in my life who deserve awards for the little things they do (list what they do).
2. Then for 3 minutes design awards for them (the wackier the better).
3. For the last 4 minutes, list the things that you have done, big or small, that deserve celebrating. Don't be shy, celebrate yourself.

The first two were easy and fun. I have some great ones. There's the neighbor who is always picking up extra fresh eggs from the 'egg lady' (who comes every other Monday) for me because I keep getting confused on which Monday she comes. That neighbor gets a golden egg in a nest of 5 euro bills.

Then there's the friend who is always calling my bluff, ringing my bell to say, 'Are you sure you're not just trying to make others happy at our own expense?' You guessed it, she gets a golden bell, with a very long handle.


And there are many more...

But the last one, writing about myself and celebrating myself, that was hard. I know there are a lot of things I do that are mind-blowingly boring and I think, "I should get a friggin' award for this!" but now I look back and don't think they are worth celebrating. Not with an award.

And why not?! I am super patient and am always looking for the compromise in a sticky situation. But what kind of award would that look like? I often provide clarification and summaries at meetings, but again - what kind of award would that be? Sadly, this is where my powers of creativity have failed me.

I was recently told that I needed a lot of work on my heart chakra because I am really good at giving, but not receiving. So, I am going to take heed and listen. I am open to receiving comments or suggestions from those of you out there that know me and who would like to present me with an award for something.

I'm open.



And perhaps THAT is the key. The realization may be that I need to practice celebrating myself. I'm obviously not very good at it.

Luckily, there's Part B: Go to the grocery store and buy 5 packages of birthday candles. Use them with wild abandon, for any reason. Find a cause for a birthday candle every one of the 37 days. Patti writes, "I travel with a pack because you just never know when a celebration will break out - and you know that the Girl Scouts say: Be Prepared."

So, I went out and bought those candles. I can't wait to use them. I plan on documenting the various occassions on the blog!

Day 3: Driver or Passenger?

I thought today was all about living intensely, saying "yes" to those things that didn't seem practical or mature (though not at the expense of the planet or other people).

I thought it was about making choices. Do I make smart, mature, mediocre, boring, responsible choices?

Or do I make choices that make me giggle, give me a thrill, make me smile and will ultimately make this journey called LIFE more enjoyable?


But I realized it was both - and - neither!

Action: I was suppose to imagine I was driving a car down the street and write for 5 minutes about everything I saw in great detail. Then, I needed to switch positions, be the passenger in the car and write about what I saw for 5 minutes. After reading both what did I notice? (Try it - right now! You might be surprised. I was.)

Results:
Well, as it was a total of 10 minutes non-stop writing, the first result was a minor hand cramp. (I type more than I write, so I guess those muscles were sending me a sign.)

What I noticed (after the cramp went away) is that the driver has a lot of responsibility and needs to be sensible and aware of what is going on in front, behind, and the sides of the car. There's more tension and focus. A passenger (or at least ME as passenger) enjoys a more relaxed atmosphere, notices the beauty or scars of the landscape and quirky things like the horrible color of a particular house or how a lovely field of flowers has been recently dug up because it was made into a sledding hill. (In Germany they like to be prepared.)

Having said that, as passenger I don't get to decide how to react when a bus pulls out suddenly, but as the driver I see it coming several cars ahead and am already preparing my body to react. So, both positions have their advantages and disadvantages. What a surprise. I was prepared to pick one position over the other. But now I am not so sure!



Thoughts: This challenge reminded me of a friend here in Munich. We are not buddy buddy, but as we Americans often call people we know and like "friends", I am sticking with that label. Anyway, I couldn't help thinking of her because she currently lies in a hospital bed, ill from chemotherapy, and I realized she was the perfect example of someone who is a DRIVER in life.

Until now, she was not a passenger, simply watching the scenery go by, and letting others steer. Every time I saw her or heard about her, she was organizing, planning - DOING. And not necessarily stuff that she HAD to do, but fun stuff. Dinners, concerts, art shows, ski trips, cooking classes.

She is a FORCE, and her enthusiasm and energy for life rubs off on everyone around her. Yet, as she lies most uncomfortably in that bed, healing, having to be a passenger for the moment, I hope she is able to take the time to watch the scenery go by, and not worry about driving.

Part B Again, there's another step, if you want to take it. Patti suggests finding one small way to incorporate art into your life. While paying bills - decorate the envelop. Arrange the vegetables on your plate in circles. Etc. etc. etc.

What I did - I bought dark purple towels for the front bathroom. I know it sounds ordinary, simple - but for me it felt extravagant. Our entryway is red and the bathroom is a very plain shade of beige, so as not to clash. But when I saw these hand towels, I just knew they had to be in our front bathroom. Reminds me of the older ladies who walk around wearing the purple and red hats!

Conclusion: We have choices, make ones that add art, joy and surprise to life! For me, LIFE is an ART. Make it every day, in simple ways, and don't be so focused on driving that you don't see the scenery.




Day 2: Cradle Wonder in Your Pocket(book)

Two days down, 35 more to go, and here's the second challenge - rediscover the wonder inherent in something that is apparently ordinary. A bar of soap, an animal track in the snow, the sound of a jet flying over head.

This assignment asked me to do several things.

First: Find my touchstone, talisman, small wonder - that which reminds me of finding wonder in the world, of sharing it with others.

Second: Take 10 minutes to create a tiny collage, drawing, or poem small enough to fit into my wallet representing what brings me joy.

Ok, the results were as follows:

Talisman - I carry a small silver ladybug in my wallet. Every time I change my purse or wallet, it comes too. I see it as a sort of good luck charm, a reminder of the importance of little things, how we are all connected, and how we are fragile. I've been finding real ladybugs in the house since Christmas. Must be extra little gifts from the Christmas tree.



I also discovered a second sort of talisman. I received him as a surprise gift for Christmas this year from dear friends in the U.S. This little guy won't fit in my pocket, but he squeaks when you squeeze him. He has been a constant source of surprise, wonder, and joy since I pulled him out of the box!


(Will you help me name him?)

My collage: This was easy, as I use a tool called VisualsSpeak which already has a lot of great images to use. Then I added things, objects and food, that bring me great joy. I had to include an image from Alaska and some excellent dark chocolate balls from a friend in Switzerland. I took a photo of it. I can't wait to print it out and stick it in my wallet!



Conclusion: I don't normally have a challenge incorporating creativity into my life, but just like everyone, I have those days that are gray, totally lacking in inspiration, wonder and, yes - intensity. I'm going to use my talisman and my photo as sort of match sticks to 'light my inner fire'. I'll keep you posted on how that works...

What's your talisman? I'd love to hear...

Sunday, January 10, 2010

DAY 1: Find Joy - Dance like a 5 year old

According to Patti there are 6 practices that emerged from writing her book:
Intensity, Inclusion, Integrity, Intimacy, Intuition, Intention

She helpfully points out that each one starts with 'In' (being present) and more importantly with 'I' (as in each person = themselves). So, I decided to make sure and be as present, focused, and involved with each of these 37 days and each challenge along the way.

Because change won't happen unless we start with ourselves. I'm not going to wait for someone to give me permission to live the life that makes ME happy.

Intensity - is part of my first challenge.



Day 1

Action:
Part A - Put on some music and dance like a 5 year old for 2 minutes. (Then write continuously for 3 minutes answering the question "What brings me joy?")

I will admit this is something that I practice regularly, to the horrible embarrassment of my tweenage daughter. When I hear a happy song I dance (in the car, the kitchen, at my computer). I can't help it. So, I danced for 4 minutes to a song that I find very inspirational: Jump Rope by Blue October. (Click on the words to get some happy feet!)

The result was that I was very out of breath by the time I needed to write, so there was a lot of heavy panting while scribbling.

The summary of what brings me joy? Mountains, sunshine, crickets, slightly melted ice cream, laughing children, watching dogs jump in the snow...

Part B (Oh, you thought we were done, huh?!) Describe your dance of joy in 3 minutes. (Then write for 2 more minutes about what keeps you from dancing it!)

I surprised myself in the description, it looked a lot like a yoga pose that broke out into aerobic dance moves with the accompaniment of giggling and screaming children. (Lots of twirling and skipping.) And though I do dance it - I don't do it nearly as often as I'd like because I don't want to embarrass my daughter or partner. And I have that annoying little voice that says, 'You look stupid' or 'People will think you're crazy' playing in my head.

Luckily, Patti reasons that if we worked harder at finding and expressing joy instead of caring so much what others think (and judging others who do things differently than we do), we would all find more time to dance and create joy. (Sounds way more fun than criticizing others anyway...)

So...what's your dance of joy?!



Conclusion: Practice joy, inner joy that makes me want to dance, even in the post office line. Practice being curious, it has much more power to produce good than being judgmental.

Extra tip:
If you haven't seen it already, watch Matt dance all over the world!

Friday, January 8, 2010

The 37 Day Challenge: Creating a Mindful and Intentional Life

On Monday, January 11th, it will be exactly 37 days until my 40th birthday. I'm actually looking forward to reaching this milestone. I know a lot of people tend to ignore this important date, some say it is "half-way there" (there = end of life) birthday, but I like to look at it as an occassion to celebrate the fact that I have reached adulthood.

I know what I want to be when I grow up. Me.

And the best way I know how to celebrate is by doing something significant, creative, memorable and impacting. That's why I have decided to do a 37 day challenge to live a more mindful and intentional life.



A friend and fellow creative soul, Patti Digh, has written "life is a verb: 37 days to wake up, be mindful and live intentionally". I bought it and kept it in my office as a point of interest and reference during my workshops and coaching sessions. But I never actually read it. And I realize that happens a lot in life. We pick up something and have good intentions, but don't follow through.

So, my goal is to start practicing NOW for how I want to live the second half of my life.

In Patti's book, she gives daily challenges to be creative and open to life and what it throws at you. Each day I will document the challenge and it's results. I invite you (I encourage you!) to join me in this experiment. Feel free to leave comments and share your own personal results.

A journey shared is so much more fun.