Not being 'the norm'.
The action: First write "I am writing this with my non-dominant hand" in cursive, with your non-dominate hand. How did it feel? How does it look? What if you were judged on the merits of your handwriting? Now switch back to your dominate hand and write for 6 minutes about a time when you were in the minority.
The result: Been there, done that, almost exactly 20 years ago.
I studied Japanese in college and was so excited to spend my 3rd (Junior) year in Japan, studying at a university near Nagoya. My expectation was to blend in and make friends - like I always did. But what I didn't realize was that no matter how good my Japanese was or how convincing I learned the nonverbal (body language) stuff, I would always be blonde and blue eyed. I would always be tall - at 5'6" - with comparably large hands and feet.
I had to shop in the men's department. I didn't get my hair cut for a year because no one new how. It was too slippery. Strangers would stand next to me to read what I was reading on the train. They walked up to talk to me in broken English to get practice in. I felt like a movie star. I hated it.
I got smaller and quieter. I didn't wear make-up and wore baggy clothes. I did not walk past mirrors or glass buildings because it was always a shock to recognize my outrageous difference from those around me.
Now I realize that I was trying to disappear, fade into the background. I returned to the U.S. and the constant mantra from my family was, "What's wrong with you?" It took me almost two years to begin looking people in the eyes again, to speaking up. To find my way back to 'normal'.
Luckily, I realized that I learned a great deal, not just about myself, but about being different. It was painful to be on the outside, but it was liberating too. In some ways it gave me freedom to experiment, or to observe from the outside. Ultimately I recognized that 'normal' in one context does not translate to 'normal' in others.
And that's perfectly ok.
The challenge: Do something you don't normally do. Listen to music you think you hate. Order a radically different drink at your regular coffee haunt. Ask questions to people who are different with, 'Help me understand (insert something here about a head scarf or cultural pattern or anything else you don't understand).' Try respectful curiosity.
(Curious about the image above? Ask me!)
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Ok, I'm curious about the image above, along with the focused, close-up image from Day 9--you willing to divulge??
ReplyDeletew.r.t. your time in Japan--although I can look like a German very easily and had no problem fitting in visually when I studied abroad, I do know that feeling of liberation. I feel like the language is like a mask under which I can (or have to) hide. Sometimes it is frustrating because I wonder if people will ever get to know the 'real' me through a (to me) foreign language. However, sometimes I feel courage and power to say things in German I never would in English--the 'Mask' allows me to experiment socially because I feel that anything I say or do in German is somehow distanced from my true self--thereby distancing the relationship/responsibility to what I say or do.